I finally found it...

I can't believe how stupid I am..the answers to all my problems has always been right in front of me... The answer to L&L&L actually lies in faith. Just, faith. I finally found what I lost a long time ago... I actually lost faith.

Usual stuffs

So, it's me again...

Just went back to work on monday after AL. So, how did I spend my AL? Well, since it was just a short 7 dyas + 1 RD and 1 DO, naturally I couldn't go very far. Haiz...

So what's new? Met up with some people on tuesday, received my birthday presents which kinda surprised me, cause that would explain why I had the really weird feeling since morning. I was like feeling all jittery and I had no idea...and no, it's definately not due to that handsome Endo HO. I had been doing junior for at least 1 week before AL, till yesterday. Not that I'm complaining, junior is kinda good and bad. Good cause less stress, bad cause well, I will have no reasons to talk to doctors. Well, anyway, just both good and bad. Still trying to figure out which one outweighs the other.

I can't run anymore, sister caught me and made me sign that confimation letter...Just great =(
1 month notice before leaving now...it's only 5 months, what's her rush?

My butt is aching, my palm is aching, my back is absolutely killing me, my lungs were on the verge of collapsing on monday and now my whole body is aching from head to toe just because of that stupid BCLS re-cert. I was like so close to failing but well, I passed. Wouldn't know how to explain to sister if I failed... The instructor was telling me "Give a slow, steady kiss...like how you usually do...'' Er...but what's a slow and steady kiss?? Haha, but well, I finally grasped that technique, so now, I'm certified to do 'slow and steady kisses' if necessary...well at least that cert is valid for 2 years...haha

L&L...I'm sick and tired of the yearning, the longing and trying to find out the reason. I have absolutely no idea how to carry on, or think about things like when, who and how. Sometimes life is just so unfair, but sometimes, I realised that life is fair. Maybe it's destined to be this way, maybe it's fated. Maybe I'm supposed to be a complete failure in everything, or maybe good things aren't supposed to happen to me. If that really is the way, then let it be that way. Because the world will keep on spinning and life will just keep moving. Cause no one gives a damn, so whatever will be, will be...

L&L&L...I hate Ls...

What is the meaning of life?

Didn't think I'll be blogging at this time...In fact didn't even think that I will ever be blogging again. Oh well...

So work...Well, I can't believe I actually had the guts to go up to sister and talked about quitting. Of course it wasn't like "Sister, I'm quitting." It was more of like a topic orginating out of another topic. Of course sister didn't allow it, in fact she didn't even want to talk about it. But of course, after my pestering, she finally 'talked' to me about quitting and ended off with saying I need to give her 20 good reasons before she will allow me to quit...hmm...

Frankly speaking, I'm just waiting. Waiting for my last straw. Somehow, sister seemed to be smarter now. Just when I made up my mind I'm going to quit, she'll come up with something nice and soften my heart, make me junior etc, and make me rethink. Will be starting my 1st night in SGH on thurs. I truly wonder WHY am I always the FIRST to be thrown into everything? FIRST to be thrown to be in charge, now FIRST to be thrown to do night? Out of 10, wrong, 9, coz 1 just resigned, out of 9, why am I always the first? Sister always seems to think that I joined in June...dots. I'm always thrown out there by myself, and I have to struggle so that others can have a more better experience going through what I go through. Is it cause I'm the most outspoken? Is it cause I have the largest body mass around all 9 of us? Haiz..

I'm glad that I have Abi with me during work, someone to talk to. All of us are just waiting...Waiting for that moment when our last straw finally arrives and so we can shoot one letter into sister office.

Think I'll most probably go overseas and study. Found a course which I kinda have some interest. But it will take 4 years...think I'm up for it? Who knows what will happen after 4 years? Maybe I'll come back with an accent. Or maybe after 4 years, I'll be too lazy to come back home again. I dunno. Anyone know of 'any study in australia' convention coming up?

Haven't met yh for quite sometime. We almost went shopping the last time, but well, sisters are just so unpredictable. Haiz...how did my life turned out like that? I only have just one wish...I wish that I can go to sleep, and never wake up...coz I can't find anything in life to hold me back, ok, fine, other than my family and friends.

I better go to sleep...though I'm on Training leave tml, I still need my beauty sleep.

Oh, one more thing. I finally cut my hair last, last week when I went out with yh. It's short, and it can't be tied, and I'm really loving my hair...Well, I have to love it, coz I spent $177 on it. Yup, so I'm loving it. =)

Life is...

Never thought I would blog anymore, bu well, since I'm here, I'll just try and say something then...

Ok, Work : It suxs. I'm like in the ward for coming to 2 months only, and I already wrapped 2 bodies. I dunno if I should consider it Good-For learning purposes? Or Bad- Coz my pt die. The 2nd death...Wasn't like the 1st one. Her vitals started falling ard 3plus. Called the doctor so many times, he finally came at 4plus coming to 5 -_-. Dr said latest till tml morning. Hooked her up to the defib monitor to monitor the rhythm. She was no longer breathing ard 6plus, but the heart was still beating at a rate of 28-24 bpm.

Relatives started coming one by one. I thought I could like check in once awhile to see if she's flat. But NO...Another SN said we need the actual time. So guess who had to stand behind the curtain, beside the defib monitor...ME?!? People were crying so terribly, I felt so extra. Plainly looking at the monitor made me feel so rude. But when I look at the relatives, I felt like crying. Coz everyone was crying, I was controlling. Thinking of every possible happy thoughts I could think about to stop myself from crying.

She had CA. Standing there, looking at her, reminded me of my grandmother. Standing inside there, I thought I'll never smile again, and I thought to myself, "why on earth did I choose this." Seriously, I've been thinking about this question for so long. And the answer is, I haven't figured it out yet. Inside there, waiting.. I realize that the worse part for the family is not when the person die, it's when the person is dying. The part where she's no longer breathing but the heart is still beating. True, the moment the line goes flat, they'll cry louder, coz it has become a truth, a fact. But after that, the crying will stop, and a buzz of activity will start. Coffin, photo for the deceased etc, and it will go all the way till creamation, where the crying will start again.

I feel so tired... real tired... I just want a break. The temptation to trade my SN uniform in for a EN uniform is so strong. I just want to fall into a deep sleep and never wake up... For now, life is so meaningless, so boring, so sickening. Can I just fall into a deep sleep and never wake up? Anyway, I doubt there will be any huge consequences for that action, I won't be missed anyway.

Congrats sarah =)

First of all, I would like to congrats sarah on finally finding her happily ever after. Sorry it's a late congrats but well, better late than never ;p
Next up, will be charmaine...so jiayou charmaine =)

I know what sarah will say when she reads this. She will say "Amanda, your happily ever after will come soon too, Don't worry." Haha. Well, let me state this fact once and for all. I don't believe in Happily ever after because someone like me will never and I emphasize NEVER, have a Happily ever after. It's just beyond logic and reasoning. So I'll look forward to hearing Charmaine's good news soon.

Sarah has finally grown up and will be talking with her lips soon. Haha. Congrats again on your happily ever after =)

Updates

OK, I'm bored so I decided to blog.

Anyway, it's Wednesday now...Opps, wrong. It's Thursday already. Gosh...I'm so not in the mood for work. Everytime I open up my cupboard, I'll see 3 suits of green uniform hanging there and frankly speaking, I feel stress man. I've got no idea where I'm going, what kind of people I'll be meeting. But the thing that worries me the most is whether I can perform up to standard =x

New Uniform, New Shoes, New Crumpler on monday...

Someone just kill me please!!!!

Went for Sakae buffet with Yung Hwui today. Frankly speaking, she's the only one who keeps in contact with me and vice versa...Oh well, that's what life is about. Goodbye old life, Hi new life.

Was looking through those pics that was taken on graduation day. Time really flies~

I had the most WONDERFUL dream last Saturday night. Oh my gosh, that dream was so...*sighs*...I'm in love again. That feeling...OMG...it's even sending a shiver down my spine and putting a smile on my lips...*sighs* Lips...Ok, got to stop thinking about it, I'm starting to smile to myself.

What? You want to know the dream? Haha, for me to know and definately not for you to find out.Wrong. For me and Yung Hwui to know, definately not for you to find out.

Watched Harry Potter on Sunday...Think I'd rather read the book. Btw, the last book is coming out soon. I'm so going to get it.

Ok, that's all for now.

~In Love~

*Sighs*...I'm so in love with my Crumpler bag...*Sighs*

~lalala~

Ok, let's continue from where I left off...

Oh yes, the checkup... Well, I'll have to go back there again, as to why, well, let's just say it's for me to know, and NOT for u to find out. It's good to have char there with me...would have been more frightening if she wasn't there.

Went and collected my shoes 1st. Apparently it's hush puppies brand. Not too bad if I do say so myself =) Was also given a digital thermometer and a goggle??? Don't ask me what's it's for. I dunno why they gave that to me.

Went to do my uniform after the shoes. I took 2 pant suits and 1 dress, same like yh. I prefer pants. The auntie took my pants for some alterations, which I only collected today...but not too bad. That auntie said needed 2 weeks. And apparently only 1 week past.

All my friends started work already =( well, wish them all the best.

I finally got my psp audition =)

And transformers is a MUST watch. That movie is so cool. I'm so going to get the cd when it comes out.

Dusty~

Well, well, long time no blog. I can even see the layer of dust on my blog...opps =x

So...What's new...

Ok, I'm about to graduate. So is that a good thing? Well, still trying to figure that out...Haha.
Went for interview with SGH. That sister was pretty much the person doing the talking. I just listen and nod my head. And before she let me go, she said "Ok amanda, I'll take you." Wonder what that meant. But well, it actually means, she takes me. Didn't know what to feel. The first thing I felt was stress and lost.

I have never been to SGH, much less step into their wards. SGH is so big, it's like a maze...Gosh, I'm really done for this time.

So, about a few days before my signing of the letter with SGH, TTSH suddenly called. I was like 0_0...I thought they gave up on me. I submitted 2 application forms to them and it took them 2 months to get to me?? If only they called earlier, maybe I would have gone to TTSH instead. But a few days before my signing to SGH?!!??!!It's ridiculous. Well, in the end I chose SGH.

Went for my signing in SGH on monday. Took a taxi there coz I know if I were to take the train, I will be late. And so...I arrived at SGH 20 mins earlier...-_- But well, who knew where that PGMI was. So I just got the uncle to drop me off at Eye center, and I planned to find my way around. Seriously, SGH is still huge...even after going there for 2 times to do my nursing cert and to accompany ppl to do their cert, I still find that place huge. Maybe coz it's just plain huge. I give up. I was like a rat in a maze. So, I just let myself get lost. I know I will find my way. And true enough, there it was...right there on my left... No challenge at all. Apparently SGH isn't big enough to keep me lost for 20 mins...

HR talked, and talked. And the signing began. I'm now SGH-owned. And tml...I'm going to get pricked =( sobs. I hate check up. Just hopes everything goes smoothly *fingers crossed*

Oh yes, I'm getting my uniform tml too...As for my ward, well, I got to wait till the 23rd of july. They sure do like to surprise us...haiz.

God bless me...I'm getting PRICK tml...sobs

Err...dunno

Ok, I don't know what to type here. I know I got plenty of things to say, and plenty of feelings to be exposed. But sometimes in life, we get so overwhelmed, that we don't know where to start. When I finally know how to start, I'll let u know.

Until then, Bye

No title

2nd week of prcp over. Got a scolding from sister today just because I didn't take case yesterday. Tried explaining to her it was the staff nurse fault cause she wouldn't allow me to take case with her reason being 'I'm too busy'. And I already told her at the start of the shift. End up, I didn't even get to give medication cause the staff nurse say I will only slow her down and she is too busy. And so end up, got a scolding from sister...

At least today managed to take case. Only 4 case, cause I got 2 beds empty. But at least better than nothing. But still cannot give medication, cause another staff nurse was being assessed, so I can't give.

Next week is the 3rd week, and I just know that sister will be busy scolding me, judging by the fact that I have 3 days morning next week...I am so going to get it.

This is to those fellows: Since everyone is so busy, some busy with work and the other busy with their other friends, when you guys are finally free, let me know hor. I just hope when u guys are finally free, we still got time to go. And hopefully, that time I still got mood to go.

Lost, but don't worry, I will be found soon

What a week...

My real work only started on Wednesday. Monday was orientation in the Main TTSh building, and on Tues, it was orientation in AMK Rehab. A brand new setting, a brand new environment, a brand new working culture, everything is just so new. I kept thinking to myself, "Why was I posted to Rehab this time? Why can't I just be in the main block. Not that I really like it there, but in a way, I have gotten used to the environment, the way of working over there."

Just feel so lost... I still have to think where is the linen etc. Always heading off to the wrong direction when I need to take things. A whole new set of therapies that I have never seen in the main block...Who ever told u that rehab is easy and slow-paced? True, I admit that it is a much slower paced compared to the main block, and the environment there is just so...peaceful. The colours and space that we have in the ward just make me feel less stress as compared to the main block where everthing is so cramped up. But if u look in another way, I have 6 Nursing officers in the ward...Can u believe it...6?!!!! 6 pairs of eyes looking at you. If u add in the SSN who is placed in charge of us, it's 7 pairs of eyes watching your every move.

We were told to start off this week doing AN job. Was off to a jerky start on Wed. I expected it anyway. NGT feeding was abit hesitant, placement of diaper was off and plus that new environment, I was thinking "God, just kill me..."

Thurs was better. But on friday, that's where the whole action was. SSN wanted to see me do NGT feeding. And before I even started feeding, I spilled the meds that I was supposed to feed the pt. How clumsy could I be?? But I was really nervous, but she didn't really scold me. Think she knew I was nervous. But I know that I Know how to do it and I know that I can do it. Just needed to get used to her presence. So things went quite smoothly after that. ( She tested me again after my break, and I pulled it off. Was kinda happy, but I knew that I could do it, was just nervous)

And just when I thought things couldn't get worse...WRONG. Sister Phua had to come...She came all the way from Main block down to Rehab to see us, and she HAD to step in to watch me. Needless to say, I was asked a thousand and one question while feeding. Not only do I have to listen to her question and think of an answer, I have to make sure I was feeding the correct amount. Ok, fine, after that I thought I would be left alone. WRONG. She just needed a case presentation. My 3rd day there...when 1 whole cubicle of my patients have just been relocated somewhere else and I had new patients just the day before.

And all the stress she gave, OMG man, just felt like crying and quit right there on the spot. In a way she was teaching us about some things we needed to pick up as a Rehab nurse, it's the perfect place for perfectionists like charmaine. Everything just had to be perfect. All the stress she gave, made me question. Mainly questioning myself and my ability to perform. I wonder if I should be a 3rd year, I wonder if I can make it through, I wonder if I should even have joined nursing in the first place.

In a way, it wasn't entirely Sister Phua fault. Ever since after the incident, a part of me have always been questioning my ability to perform...a part of me have always held back, reluctant to go to work etc. It wasn't directly my fault, but I had a part in it, and I paid a high cost. I always thought it didn't affect me, but I realised on friday that it affected me more than I have ever imagine. I was in a daze, had very low morale. But deep down, I just know. It's unlike me to give up without a fight. I need to know how much I can do. I want to see what I'm capable of doing. I need to know how well I can perform. And I know that with God's grace, I will soar in whatever I do. But I also learnt in nursing...'With great power, comes great responsibilities'. I'm not trying to be spiderman here, but it's true. You never know how much power a nurse holds...everything we do to the patient can affect the outcome. Sometimes, even causing death.

I know I said that if I fail this PRCP, I will quit on the spot. But I will not give up without even trying to salvage the situation. To fail without doing anything is one thing. To try and fail is another thing. It's better to have tried and fail then never trying at all. Afterall, I am still a nurse now, and me, being me, I just need to know my limit, my strengths and my weakness...I just need to know before I fall.

"When the going gets tough, the tough gets going" And that is what I'm going to do. And of course most importantly, let everything be according to God's will.

24/3 11.18pm

Went out to celebrate Yh b'day yesterday. All of us won't be seeing each other for the next 6 weeks. Wonder how PRCP will be...hmm....

In a way, I saw something yesterday which made me kinda unhappy while we were celebrating her b'day. I couldn't get it out of my mind, and the more I think about it, the more unhappy I am about it. It's a really stupid thing, but it made me understand my position...Where is it that I stand and whether my opinion/s matter or not etc. And that people, is a very valuable learning experience to me.

"I saw, and I understand. Trust me, I'll know what to do. I understand my position and where I stand. I know which is the important one, and believe me, I'll keep all unhappiness to myself and spare you the agony."

To a certain extent, I'm kinda glad prcp is here. A new environment, new faces, it may just be a new start for me. Away from troubles etc.

I hope I can perform my best during prcp. And finally find the purpose of why is it that I am in nursing. Haha

Ok, you guys take care. Bb

Just Forget It

Life is just so confusing... I never ever seem to know what is it that I want. Sometimes, I just hate myself. The way I hide everything, and the way I show everything. Why is it that I just can't seem to hold on to what I tell myself?
Why can't I be firm, cool and cold?
Why is it that so much seems to be bottled up inside but it just never wants to be let out?
Can a person cry due to too much confusion??
Why is it that when I want to cry, I just can't cry...I'm even deprived from crying now.

I'm so tired...Not becasue I didn't get enough sleep, but it's physically, mentally, emotionally tired. Won't it be lovely to fall into a deep sleep and never wake up. I hate the feeling of being stuck in-between...I hate the feeling of being confuse...I hate not being able to cry... I just hate myself lah...Haiz

I'm just glad everything is coming to an end...I really do. Tomorrow is a new day, so for those of you who even made an effort to read, no worries, I'll be fine. Even if I'm not fine, I'll be fine too.

12/3 8.26pm

Hi, just came back home. Was in sarah's place today. Well, no studying done as usual...lol

Past few days a few things happened. In a way, I kinda expected it would have. Well, at least all those roller coaster of emotions are gone.

If you happen to read this, this is what I want to say to you:

Don't blame yourself too much on what happened. True, you started it when everything was going on fine, but in a way, treat it as a learning experience. You didn't make me very upset, neither did you broke my heart terribly. True, it still hurt though nothing happened between us, but I'm sure I'll carry on with my life. I really hope you will bear in mind that thing I said to you. Things like this can only happen once. In fact, now I feel as though nothing had happen at all, and I'm no longer that upset anymore. As for that broken heart, don't worry it was like only 10% broken, and it's healed now. True, you did owe me an apology, but I think you apologize enough, so stop saying sorry. In a way, you showed me that love isn't all that beautiful and lovely, and it is also through this thing that I realized the importance of my family and friends. You are a good guy and a great friend. So, it's time to let go of the past and let bygones be bygones.
~Amanda

I really thank you guys for being by my side during this time. And sarah, you were right in 1 thing :Guys are Whatever, Friends are Forever =)

As for things like relationships/love etc...I have enough for now.
In things like this, I know it will happen ~In His Time~

Updates

Hi there, Finished one test today at ard 7.10pm. I'm just glad it's over

Today before the test had to go for 2 talks. One on hospice, the other was an exit briefing.

The 1st one brought back some memories...It was sad. The memories just came, and it really made me feel like crying. But as usual, I'm good at controlling. It was sad...maybe I still haven't let go like I thought I did but the past is the past. Sometimes I wish I can just be well...cold and heartless...to take things as they are and throw it down without looking back. I know of someone who can do that, but lol, I can't. A friend told me, that it isn't a good thing, and I should be proud I'm not like that. So even though it isn't a good thing...It can definately save me alot of heartaches. LOL, coz I will be heartless.

Recently somethings happen. It took me alot of courage. But by god's grace, everything turned out well. I was well...very happy with one thing that was said =p
Regardless whether it's true or not, it really did made my day...But deep inside, I do hope it's true....All things will be reveal in time...

Take care =)

Is this the end???

Haiz...this has got to be the worse CNY in my life... And I think it will continue to be this way for the rest of my life. I don't really want to go in detail here, but I know that my mum is very upset... but who won't be. You can't bring back the dead, you can't undo the things that has been done. For once in my life, I'm at home at 8pm on the lst day of chinese new year... And this is not a good thing, neither do I feel good.

Instead of mahjong and steamboat, I'm playing audition. But guess what, I'm too distracted to play. My mind keeps wandering off. My eyes and fingers co-ordination are way off today, and I feel like crying...I really do. I know CNY will be different this year but I had no idea it would be this bad...

I just want to cry...but I won't cry now...not till I'm going to bed. At least after crying, I can go to sleep. Anyway, I will be fine. I'm used to crying myself to sleep anyway...this one will be no different.

I hope that the rest of you are having a great new year. Don't let me bring down your mood. It's a great festival. I used to look forward to it. Have a great new year =)

Gong xi fa cai

It's officially the 1st day of the lunar calender now. So happy lunar new year to all =)

Came back from my reunion dinner at my 4th uncle house at ard 10.30 like that. It was boring...haha. Nothing much to do there, just eat, then hang ard till it's time for everyone to go home.

Played a few rounds of audition but now, I'm really starting to fall asleep. Must be due to all the red wine at the dinner. I'm not suppose to sleep so early so I'll try my best to keep my eyes open.

Helped out for some last min spring cleaning today and made a few lanterns using the ang poa today.

Ok, I am falling asleep. I desperately need to stay awake. O.O -> o.o -> -.- -> zzz...

"To love you more"

Hi there. Sarah helped me change the blogskin on sat. Isn't it just bea-u-tiful? haha. I luv it. Thanks sarah =) Your the best-est *muacks*

So...what's new, oh yes, see that video over there <--- It's celine dion "To love you more" My favourite song. I just fell in love with that song ever since I heard it in the radio. Though the DJ didn't say it was celine dion, I just knew it was her. Who else can sing like she does. I'm like so head-over-heels in LOVE with that song. One fine day, I'm going to buy that cd with that song inside, so I can hear it over and over again. The last time I went k-box, I sang that song too. Not because I was trying to 'kill' my voice, but because, I just had to. Genny was saying that charmaine should play the violin and I should sing that song on her wedding day...LOL. Anyway, just listen to it, and btw, that violinist is great too =)

So now, I'm on attachment in IMH, just hope all will be well. Working afternoon shift tml, wonder how the morning will be like...*hmm...*

Alrighty, I'll leave now. You guys have fun =)

Hihi

Yawnz...I am so tired. My arms are aching, my back is aching, even breathing is too difficult for me. I just feel like sitting down and not move for all eternity...LOL. Even typing is so difficult, feels like I just fought a battle. Tomorrow, I will be moaning and groaning liao...die...

Monday going IMH for attachment...wonder what how it will be like. I'm really glad it's really near my house =) Haiz, still not done shopping for chinese new year...I'm so dead.

I also realised that V.day is next wed. Wish all couples a happy V.day.

I'm so tired now, and too lazy to type, I'm gonna conserve some energy. Bye all and nitey =)

Change for better or worse?

It's been a VERY long time since I last blog. I know and I'm sorry but I'm not a regular, I just do it when the mood is right, the feel is right and I am absolutely bursting from all the emotions I feel, then, I will blog.

1st thing first, school started again. 3rd year, last semester. It's going to be a fast and short one. Soon, we will all be leaving school. During this 3 years, I have had many friends. I watched as some of my friends take a turn for the better, and some, for the worse. I've seen drama and fakes, and I've seen truth and genuine true friendship. The choices that some of my friends are doing now, the way they are hanging out...I just don't seem to know them anymore. Our friendship is hanging on a very very thin thread now, and I know it will be gone really soon. Who will do the snip-snap on the thread? I got a feeling I will be the one. And I know that many will blame me too...but I'm not one that maintains communication, in fact I sucks at communication. But looking at the way they are behaving, maybe it will be better off. I have also seen good friendship. I'm glad I finally found one true friend whom I can really turn and relay on for most things, and I strive to do the same for her too.

This past few days, I have been very upset. All the negative emotions just seem to whelm up in there. Change is inevitable in life, though humans dislike it. I always tried my best to be there for her, I always thought of her as one of my best friends, and I thought she thought of me that way too. But only recently, I found out what a fool I have been. I was well, kinda disappointed with her. I don't want to go into details about it. I just...feel hurt. I wonder is it the tougher a person seem on the outside, the more vulnerable that person is inside? Let's just say I really learn it now. This isn't the 1st time.

Another part of the negative feelings was from the things my that 'best' friend said to me. After I thought about it, I got jealousy, anger, sadness, loneliness, and a sense of unfairness. I was thinking why is this world so unfair? Why is it always me alone? YH told me not to worry, that it will come one day. Jesus helped me too, he gave me his peace, so no troubled heart =) so I'm pretty much ok now. But sometimes when I think about it, I just feel so...haiz... I guess I just need to really really cry it all out. But the problem is, I can't cry. I feel like crying but I can't, it just won't come out...Maybe I just need someone to hurt me more...I'm sure it won't be a problem.

Anyway, of coz I've been through some happy things like for e.g: yesterday yh got a perfect bug, we went and abused the bug and I earned 100k+...muhahaha.

ok, that's all folks. If you don't understand or feel confused, don't be. Coz in life, Ignorance is a blessing =)