Once Upon a December

Cold, heartless and cruel.

I wished that I wasn't born a human.

Cause humans have a live beating heart that experiences feeling.

Today I experienced happiness, excitement, hopefulness and gratefulness. But the disappointment that you gave me made all those disappear.

For once in my life I don't know how to say goodbye...

Maybe it's just a 'one-way traffic'.

I hate myself.

'Bitches, the company pays you a salary to work, not to skype and bitch about someone else during working hours. Leave your bitching till you go home.'

Sorry for the outburst but... I just feel that there's too much injustice in this world. Pity my mum who has to go through that. That but by the grace of god could have been my previous work life. I'm just highly amused by the ability of humans, esp women, to be able to fabricate lies after lies with nothing but lies. Is there like some kind of adrenaline rush when you gossip about people? I can understand if the person you are gossiping about did something to you, but what if the person did nothing?

One thing I learnt about working life is: Everything you do, people gossip. Regardless of whatever role you play in your workplace. You can be the damn chiong one or the bo-cha one and still get pulled into this endless cycle of gossip. The only difference is whether you make the headlines for that day's gossip.

Upon entering the workforce, I knew that a hospital was more than it seemed. The public may see it as a place for dying, or maybe a 'dirty' place etc. That's nothing but surface though. In my whole 1 year 7 months there, I barely scratched past the surface and trust me when I say that a hospital is a place full of politics. So what role did I play amidst the war? I was the bo-cha one. I made it damn clear that I was there to work and I'm not interested in whether they liked me or not. Once I'm done, I leave. As simple as that. But still, I know that there has to be some gossip about me. Maybe of my 'black' face, or my coolness, or maybe my temper as well. But nonetheless, I couldn't care less. The good thing of having a 'black' face is that, people watch what they say in front of you. Gossips of me never reaches my ear. But gossip of other people always seemed to revolved around me. Might be due to the role I take I guess. Usually I'll just listen...but I believe in voicing your objections if someone says something untrue.

This is where I drag the men in. Most males will try and act like they are damn masculine. They will go to gym, and pump up those muscles, hoping to make the ladies think that they can provide them security etc. They act all high and mighty. But when the time comes for the men to really do something, they run and take cover before anything even happens. Where are your balls man?? Reflect upon it. You will realise that it's true.

I'm all for peace. Especially when it has nothing to do me. But how can you sleep at night knowing that you could have done something to help someone? I don't mean getting into a fight or whatsoever. You just have to state a point. I got dragged into something like that before.

When I was working, I knew a lot of my colleagues in my station didn't like this particular colleague of mine. They would bitch to me about her of course, and my stand was ' I wished they would stop' but I just kept quiet cause it wasn't really my problem. But one day, someone was complaining to me about that colleague and that they actually went up to my superior asking that they stop putting her in roles where she had to take charge. That was way too much. She asked me if I agreed. Overall I did agree with them, but the part with the superiors was totally uncalled for. Totally unnecessary. I just assertively said 'True, but don't you think you ought to give her more time? I'm sure she'll get better.'

You may think what the heck, what you said barely had any effect. True, I could have gotten into a whole argument etc but that's not what I want. I just wanted to let her know that I get what you mean and I understand your situation cause I'm not blind, but just give the girl some space. She's not a bad person, no one died under her watch. Just cut her some slack. She kept quiet after that. I don't think it was because she got my point. Think she just kept quiet cause she found out that I don't totally agree with her.

I know the endless cycle of office politics will never end. As long as there are humans, expect complicated and totally meaningless stuffs.

To that guy: Find your balls.

To those bitches: What goes around, comes around. It may not be tml, or next week or even next year. But one day, you WILL get it =)