Merry christmas and Happy New Year

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!

Sorry, abit late. I was away.

Thanks for all the wishes people. So touched that most of you remember my birthday except for some insignificant people, but no matter.

Well, Amanda Wong in now officially, legally 21. lol.

Think it will be quite a long post.

Think last week, I celebrated my birthday with Yung Hwui, gen and charmaine at Marina Square, Sakae Sushi. It was pretty fun, loads of presents going around. Including my birthday presents. Let me see if I can remember what I got... They gave me a bag, a scarf, a photo frame with our photos inside (Sweet!!!) a perlini silver necklace and bracelet, and loads of other small small stuffs....And I got a BEAR. Yes!!! I finally got my own bear. Think it's like a new custom now. Ever since I built the first one for yh, now all 4 of us got a bear. There was LOTS of ice cream to go around too that day. Cause firstly I ordered ice cream from sakae and they didn't stop me. And when the waitress came out with the cake, IT ALSO ICE CREAM CAKE... I was so stuffed with ice cream, my stomach felt sick for at least 30mins after food. Haha, but no matter, we had fun.

Just came back from Malaysia with my family. They brought me there for my birthday. Think I had been eating buffet dinner for the past 2 nights. Think I gained weight =x But my parents gave me a DS game. Got 46 games inside. Haha. Now can slowly play.

Was just thinking. Now that Christmas is over, 2009 will be coming in a few days time. Every time I think about 2009, I feel butterflies in my stomach. Think it's because I will be leaving soon. I dunno how it will be, I dunno if I can cope. But no matter, I've left it in the hands of Jesus, and my trust will be in the unshakable =)

I've also thought up a list of what I want to do before I leave:
1) QUIT MY JOB
2) K box
3) Spend loads of time with my family and friends
4) Buy this pendent I saw from the Rock. (Ever since I saw it, I'm like so going to get it but it's like so expensive...)
5) Go church one more time
6) Go out pubbing ( remember 4th Feb hor)
7) Buy Chinese New Year Clothes
8) Buy Abigail's Birthday present (I still owe her...When u free ar??!?)
9) Movies, Loads of Slacking
10) Pack for the Next 4 years... (I'm a goner =s)

As for No.11. A secret 'little to do' thing or rather a 'to experience' thing I have for myself. But I don't think I will have the courage to ever say it out. HAHA. I hope that when I come back from australia in 4-5 years time, I earnestly pray hard that the Rock gift store will still have that ring that they showed in the cabinet, cause I found my wedding rings =)

As for that pendent...Maybe I should get it one of these days before I leave. But seriously...It's so expensive like $300++. Haiz. I'll think about it.

Sian

Here I am again... On my very 1st night again.



Sian. Hate doing night. Wish I was at home sleeping. But instead. I'm in my MO's room, blogging one handed, with my other hand holding a mushroom sandwich. Sigh.



Can't wait for night to be over...

Sweet Sweet Stuffs

Here I am, my very 1st night. Blogging in my Ward's MO room. Hopefully the night Sister doesn't catch me.

I was just going through my mails that had been in my account for months (Sorry!!) and I saw something that was...well... woke me up cause I was like dozing off while reading my mails. And after I read that mail, I just had this urge to post it here. No idea why, but I'm too sleepy to fight that urge so here goes...

Good Stuff in Life.....
Read Slowly... Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?
Saying something and wishing you hadn't?, or Saying nothing and wishing you had?

I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might break your heart...if you don't, you might break theirs.

Have u ever decided not 2 become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?

Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't.You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own........when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.

Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much...for fear that the other person does notcare as much, or even at all.

Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.

Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done, or could have had.

* What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say good-bye?
*What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?
*What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt? (even if it is that you don't care anymore)
*What would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have them?
*What would you do if you never got the chance to say I am friends with all of my family and they know I love them?
*People live, but people die. I want to tell you thatyou are a friend.
If you died tomorrow (God Forbid)you would be in my heart.Would I be in yours?

You might be best friends one year, pretty good friends the next year, don't talk that often the next, and don't want to talk at all the year after that. So, I just wanted to say, even if I never talk to you again in my life, you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life.

Aww...so sweet right?!? Haha. Anyway, it was pretty good. So yup, better be going. Byez

Ouch

Ouch, my face hurts....



Went for facial today with Abigail. The woman was like saying my face is really bad. Why now then come facial. And I think she really went all out to extract all my 'big' black heads. Now, I've got red spots on my face and it hurts =( Price for beauty...



I did something really 'naughty' today. I tried to 'matchmake' 2 people together. And I must say, pretty good results for my first time. Haha.

Friendless...Finally??

Today, I finally realised how 'friendless' I am.

The past few weeks, I realised that I had not learnt my lessons from the past. Here I am, getting myself into this mess again, and end up, despite all I've put in, I'm still the one getting hurt. I give up. Yes, now I have no more friends left. I'm left to spend my off days by myself, but I've decided that enough is enough. I, Amanda Wong, Have learnt my lesson. I will no longer be that brainless girl who always gives and ends up getting nothing in return. And worse still...people treat you like crap...Like you are some kind of reserve, some kind of spare tire. I may be loneliy from now on, but like I said before, no one have ever died from loneliness. Maybe it's a good thing not to have any friends as well... at least when I leave, I leave with a somewhat empty heart, cause I have nothing to look forward to back home other than my family.

I used to think that when I leave, I'll miss that fellow. But now, I guess no.

Lonely...I am so lonely...I have nobody...to call my own... HAHA

Signing off, Amanda

Stupidity

Today, I just realized that I have to be the stupidest person in the whole wide world. I thought I would have learnt my lesson from the last time, but I just broke my own heart again.

A friend of mine was facing some problems. When she called up crying, I just listened even though I have no idea what she was saying cause she was crying and speaking at the same time. Anyway, conclusion is I still don't know what's going on as she said she's not comfortable in sharing with me. It's ok with me. I'm not those kind of people who will force it out of you even though you don't want to share. I just listen. If you want to say, I'll listen. If you don't want to say, no hard feelings as well.

Anyway, next day, this friend suddenly messaged me saying that she would like to stay overnight in my house that day. I was shocked but I told her no problem. If my friend/s need a place to stay, of course no problem. Immediately, I went to clean up my room, mopped the floor, prepared the bed, pillow and blanket for her and awaited her arrival cause I know she just had a hard day yesterday. Who knows, at night she called, saying that she can't make it and will come tomorrow as she will be with her boyfriend that night. Fine with me. The next day, I didn't dare to go anywhere in fear that she may just come anytime and there will be no one at home. The whole family stayed at home awaiting her arrival and end up, she's not coming again. Where will she be going?? Her boyfriend place lor. What the heck. Suddenly I feel like my house is like a hotel. Only when her boyfriend don't want to take her then come my place. What the heck man.

I'm just so damn pissed. Everytime I go all the way out for my friends, I end up geting hurt. Even though I have no idea what's going on, I just welcomed her, and prepared for her a comfortable environment. But I end up feeling like a complete total idiot. Forget it man. I'm stating it right here now. I'm never going to go all the way out for anyone again. Forget it. So, what did I do? 1, I went and put back all the pillows everything. 2, I made my whole room messy again. If she wants to stay, I will only prepare when she is in my house, wanting that spot to sleep.

So, I found out today that I got an illness called stupidity.

Hi, bye

Yoz, how's life?

I must be getting old :( Someone just asked me yesterday if I was married. Well, if it was a handsome young dashing doctor, I will be more than happy to answer. Too bad it was my EN. End up she still older than me. Haiz... So sad. Oh well, what to do, ugly is like that one.

Was just browsing through friendster, I'm really glad to see my friends all doing well. At least they look happy in the pictures. And so naturally, I feel comforted and relieved to know that even though we haven't talked or messaged each other after so long, at least they are doing well.

Maybe I haven't written here that one of my classmate gave birth a couple of months ago. I'm really glad for her. Her baby is so cute. Just makes you feel like having one too. But while looking at that little life, while looking at her, with her husband and their son, it really just brought an understanding to me. It's not easy for a woman to give birth. It's really painful and well, you should know how it goes. Cause for me, to get married to someone, I'm entrusting my future to him, the rest of my life to him. And to get pregnant...I think I really need to love him more than anything else. And so far...I haven't met that person yet. And so watching that new family together, they really helped me to sort out a feeling that I have been struggling for so long. And it feels really good to finally get it right. Praise god.

Well, work wise, things are going fine. Guiding the new staff nurses now. And someone just told me I look very senior when I'm just one year their senior. Sigh...think my heart break until cannot glue back liao.

Sigh...I'm going to end off broken-hearted.

I want AL!!!

How's Life so far? I hope yours better than mine.

Work still sucks. I have been IC for so long, I think I forgotten how to do junior. With JCI around the corner, all my sisters are doing are just training us up for JCI. Initially wanted to leave before june, but once my colleague told me that there is a bonus in june, I'm definately sticking around.

I'm still waiting for that reply for scholarship. And I'm praying so hard that I'll get it. So pray for me ya? Don't ask what it's for, just pray for me if you want to see me back in Singapore after 4 years. Once I get that scholarship, I think I'll fly straight to heaven.

I'm so counting down to my AL. 4 more days till 2 whole weeks of AL. And I'm going overseas. HAHA. It's only to China but well, I just want to get away from SGH.

I'm starting to hate Outram Park.

I want AL!!!!

And to you, my answer is still NO.

What will I be....?

Hi, it's me again. Have been doing alot of thinking recently. Thinking if I should go overseas, thinking about alot of stuffs etc. But at least I know one thing that I still want..And that is to leave that idiotic ward of mine.

Been doing alot of thinking recently on how I want my future to be. Was faced with options on either studying in Singapore or Australia. But the problem with Singapore is the tertiary education here is so inflexible. Anyway, I missed the deadline of NUS by one day. So guess it's pretty much set. Cause smu and sim only offers Social Sciences which is courses like Psychology etc. And frankly for me, Although I prefer Psychology to Socialogy, I don't really have a very keen interest in studying that. Parents were asking me to consider Pharmacology, but the thing is, the drugs seems to know me but I don't know them. I've got a feeling for Podiatry but I really wonder about the future of Podiatrist here in Singapore for the next 5-6 years. If I really do go, I'll be all alone for 4 years. Cause unlike some people, I don't have the luxury of having someone I know to go and endure 4 years with me.

But I do know one thing...If I ever have to leave, No one will know except my family. Hate me if you want but that's the way I want it to be.

Sympathy and Pity

Here I am, sitting in front of the computer, with a thousand and one things in my mind going through at the same time, and yet I can't find a place to start. From work to future, from past to present.

So much feelings locked up inside, I wished I could share. But I guess it's just me to always feel alot more than I let out. A tear was shed yesterday by me when she left us standing there yesterday. No one may know, but one tear just rolled out. Sympathy for the one who care, and pity for the one who left. Sympathy for the one who care, who have to stand there and take in every nonsense, and watch her leave us. Pity for the one who left, for not knowing what she left behind. A lot was risked by some people just for the sake of being together, but to have it end that way makes all that was risked in vain. Disappointed, hurt, angry. So, How do I feel? The moment she walked out on us, and left us standing there, the moment that tear rolled out of my eyes, she had already walked out of my life. That's how I feel.

Change can make people react in very weird ways. Maybe because she is leaving, that's why she reacted that way. Maybe I should leave this year too and see what will happen. Or maybe I should just leave and never return. Afterall my thinking should be the same like her's and that is I won't be missed. But lol, I'm sure she will be missed, but me...nah I dun think so. Haha.

Guess the lesson learnt is: Tolerance, and knowing when to stop your nonsense. Good night