Sunday, November 26, 2006

He loves you too =)

I remember once, when I was in church with my friends, it was bible study. A pastor said something, which I have never noticed. He said, he was watching a show one day, and in the show 2 person were talking in a church. 1 person said to the other "Why is it that of all the religion, why does the christianity portray itself like this.?" 'This' meaning Jesus on the cross. I understood the meaning. What he meant was, in every religion, they try and show the stronger side of their gods, but why christianity choose to represent it other way? I'm not pointing fingers here, I'm not saying anything. I'm just blogging down something I heard, which caught my attention and triggered me to think.

Recently, I've been feeling down. Problems everywhere. Problems on future. Problems on coming attachment. Problem with someone's attitude. Problems, doubts, fears everywhere. Was surfing around the net, and I went to Jo's blog. And I watched something there. I just burst to tears. I don't have the face to watch the whole thing. My tears just came. And I realized, that I'm love once again.

Just when I thought that no one loves me and that I will never find love...Love found me and told me that he loves me...

I'm sorry if it sounds gibberish to you. But it's pretty much a personal thing. If u understand, good for you. If you don't...then too bad. And one more thing: He wants to let u know he loves u too =)

Saturday, November 25, 2006

title~less

Ok, it's about time I update...So, what's new?

Well, was awaken from my beauty sleep at 3.50am in the morning and was completely caught off surprise that I will be receiving my results today. Anyway, I failed 2...Sobs...So sad. =(
Apparently it seems oyster doesn't sleep at all. Messaging at 2.40am in the morning isn't cute. You are lucky I didn't wake up. Or else...I'll go to your house and grill you personally.

So, what else did I do? hmm...went to jihan house, was invited for lunch, a job well done there jihan. Next day went for Sarah's b'day party. Not in a mood to elaborate...Use your imagination to fill up the blanks and spaces.

Haiz... There's a knot within me that has never been "untied". I used to be so sure, but now... I feel like I'm wrong. I'm glad to see that my friend's lives are going smoothly, that their relationship with god is great, and that they are not killing one another...haha. But I wish that I can say the same for my life. I'm confused, even more confuse and still confuse. But I know, I won't be alone...For I am my father's child.

The future may seem bleak, my path may seem long, my life may seem dark, but he will never leave me. His ray of light will be my inspiration, his touch will be my energy, and his words will be my life. His ray of light is so comforting...Will I get to see it again? Even for a mere 5 seconds, his ray of light is breath-taking. To feel it for 5 secs, it's enough to last me a whole-lifetime. His presence is always around me, though I don't speak much about it, I feel it.

I got so used to saying "By God's Grace..." that I decided on a name for my future daughter. Grace. Cause it's by God's Grace that she's my daughter, so Grace will be her name. But that can only happen if I get married, and that happens only when I fall in love, and that is highly impossible for I know where I stand...But it's ok to dream right?

Alright, it's time to go to bed. Nitey~ =)


Alright, Alright, I know you guys don't believe it. Alright, I passed all. 1 A, 2 B+, 3B and 1 C+.
Still ok lah hor? =) hehe

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Young Young? Old Young? What the heck am I saying?

My thigh is absolutely aching... Ouch.

Did my NAPFA test on thurs. My body didn't show any sign of aching on fri morning, and trust me, I has a great time laughing at the rest of my classmates coz they were all moaning and groaning. But...good things weren't meant to last, got the full blown effect in the afternoon -_-. And today, it's still aching.

So, how did I fare for my NAPFA?? Well, I failed...HAHA. I passed all 5 stations and failed at my 2.4km (as usual). My muscles around my ankle was so tight when I was doing my 2.4km. I tried plantar flexing my feet but I couldn't, I was practically limping the whole way through. The muscles were so tight, I was so afraid that my tibia and fibula will be snap by my muscles. And in the end, I couldn't even walk properly, much less run. Anyway, I didn't even complete my 6 rounds. I was already way past the time limit and they called me to stop, so I stopped. Maybe I strained myself too much during the 5 stations.

So results: Sit Up: 34 (surprised? My parents were so surprise...They didn't know someone my size could still do sit up...-_-''' Anyway after that, I thought I just gave birth...LOL, coz I was so tired)
Standing Board Jump: 170cm (A new personal record for me!!!)
Sit And Reach: 41cm (I think another new personal record again. Anyway, have always been terrible at this)
Inclined Pull Up: 11 ( Another new record. )
Shuttle Run: 12.4 (Phew...just made it. Just Barely Made it)
As for 2.4km, well, let's say since young I was never a long distance runner, I was always a 100m sprinter. Honest. Not saying in self-defense or anything, but ask my primary school friends, I was really picked to be a 100m/200m runner for inter-house challenge lor.

Ok, I'm tired now, need to rest my eyes, been playing audition all day until my fingers are stuck. God bless~

Monday, August 28, 2006

Before and After

You know what I used to think...

(1) She did me wrong, she disappointed me first. She ought to "make up" for what she has done, and here she is, treating me like I am invisible, treating the whole thing like it was my fault, my mistake.
(2) God isn't interested in tiny affairs like this.
(3) How can anyone be so thick-skinned and just put everything saying God will do this, God will do that etc.

What I think now...

She don't need to make up for what she has done. Though it wasn't necessary for me to make the 1st step and say let's start all over again, I did. I showed my path, and if she wants to know where I'm headed, she knows. Secondly, God is interested. Thirdly, Coz, he is God. It isn't about "thick-ness" of skin, it's about believeing he is there for you.

Feelings now...

Still disappointed. But starting to let it go. Coz sometimes in life, disappointment will happen. I haven't been the best of friends to her. Now that we are like this, I blame no one too. But sometimes when flashbacks happen, the feelings come back. Working hard to get rid of it to turn it neutral.

We all know that it is impossible to be what we used to be but anyway, I am tired of having to type here everyday because of the same person. She took up enough of my time, killed enough of my brain cells, and hurt me enough.

Recently I stumbled upon a few very nice sentences. I fell in love with it instantly:

(1) Do your best and God will bless- Found it from chicken soup for the nurses soul. The story is like one of the miracles jesus performed. Remember he fed a thousand ppl with those few loafes of bread and fish, well the story is about that miracle. Apparently they are in that country to help ppl but their medical supplies got confiscated. Left them with very minimal supply. But they prayed and that minimal supply actually lasted the whole day when they thought it will only last a few hrs. How lovely is that right? There is 1 more miracle that was performed but if you want to know, buy the book and read. I am not spoiling the fun =p

(2) Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible- Don't you just love this sentence...well, I do. No story behind this, not that I know of. Coz I saw it on yue ning msn msg there and I know I just have to add it in. Maybe my relationship, which I deemed impossible to be like before, may actually have a chance to go back??? I don't know. Let's all just sit back and let my dearest daddy God work his wonders...

okay, the end, you can leave now. I need go play maple liao... (dunno character die liao mah =x)

Monday, August 21, 2006

Theories of life...

Since the beginning of the year, my life has been revolving around hospital. What is it between me and hospital? I really wonder...

Hope my dearest Ah ma will get on well after her op. =)

Was chit-chatting with a few of my aunties and while chatting, I remembered about what I told yung hwui. Life is fair. People always said that life isn't fair, why is it that he got that and I don't have it. Well, have u ever thought about what you have that he don't? Sometimes in life, we got to lose some things to gain some things. Some times, you got to experience somethings to gain some knowledge. Was telling my aunt today, the lesson I learnt from the earlier funeral. I learnt how I used to take things for granted...How I never once really looked at my grandma until she was on her deathbed. How I saw the ugly faces of people who I thought I knew. How I lose a friend but gained one more that is so much better and how fragile life can be.

Sometimes in life, u just never know who are the people who treats you with honesty, who really mean what they said. This time round,my Ah ma is in hospital. I really saw who was really there. I know who is the one who really cares for me. Who message me daily though she don't have to. Was talking to my aunt about some problems that I have. And what she said was true. In life, you can have many friends. But when bad times come, the true ones that stick by your side are the ones you can count on for the rest of your life. Though I'm not really very sociable, I do have some friends. Friends who call me best friend etc. But honestly, I never once believed. They do sound nice, but where the **** are you when I need you? I've got friends, but whether they got me as a friend is a question. True, when time comes, I'll try my best and be there. But sorry, Priority. So far, I guess I can only say, I think I truly found one.

Sometimes, in life, you may have a boyfriend/girlfriend, but may have a bad family relationship. Life is fair, if life can't give you a good family relationship, they will "make" it up to you by another way. Laws of life (1) Life is fair. (2) What goes around, comes around. I won't exactly say Law of life, more like theory of life. But whatever it is, however terrible/good my life turns out, I know who I can count on for all eternity. Make a guess who...starts with a J----. Reward: A new friend for you too who is really there be it the good times and the bad times =p

I know it may seem frightening to you that a 18 year old speak so maturely. I know, coz if you heard my conversation with my aunties, you would be shocked...Well, she was. Guess she never know I had it =p

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Life...

I haven't posted for quite some time. But during this past some time, some things just happened which makes me take a step back and review about life again. During this past some time, I lost my grandma (maternal side). I remember that very faithful day, where I was in school with the usual gang. We were laughing, joking, fooling around at mac. When we were about to leave, I realised that my mum left me 20 missed calls. I was about to call back when my mum call again. She was practically screaming through the phone...My grandma was going to die. My grandma was diagnosed around jan- early feb that she had colon cancer. And it was at the last stage when we found out. I rushed all the way down but of course, she didn't go that day.

I remember coming home, my handphone flooded with messages from ppl like jian hao, yung hwui, charmaine etc, sending me condolences and encouragment. But the one most important friend didn't send me any. Thinking that she don't know, it was only right of me to call her. It was pretty late, I was really down, and back then, the only one I can think of who will understand my situation and lend a listening ear, was sarah. I will never forget the day, I called her 1st handphone more than 5 times, 2nd handphone 5 times. It was pretty late, and I thought she was asleep. I decided to try 1 last time. And it got through. However, she wasn't asleep. She was happily at her friends hse, drinking vodka till she was dead drunk. Apparently whatever I want to tell her, whatever emotions I have inside was replaced with disappointment. She couldn't hear from my voice I needed her desperately... that I needed to cry. She didn't. She was too busy telling me she was drunk, and in turn, I got to tell her to take care of herself etc.

When I hung up, I called another friend of mine. I called Yung hwui. I just cried out to her. But she was there. I told her how disappointed I was, how upset I was. I never expect anything back from sarah for how much I been there for her when she was at her most terrible period. Though at that time, there was nothing I could do, I kept reminding her I was there. But I thought that at least, now, it was my turn, maybe she can give me at least some encouragment. I was disappointed, I really was. Well, I did tell her in the end, but, I no longer expect anything from her. I don't blame her, she was dead drunk. But, I know I can no longer really count on her now.

I, Amanda Wong, seldom cry in front of people. I hardly need people to comfort me. Even after knowing that my grandma was going to die, I can control my tears till I was safe in my own space. But, in life, there will come a time, when u need someone to hear you. When u need someone to hear u just wail it out. Even through the phone.

My grandma is almost gone for 1 month now. I wasn't really close to her. But most of the times, when someone mention things like hospital, my mind will do this rewinding back to the very 1st day we found out till the whole thing was over. In less than 1/2 a year, I lost my grandma. So many "If" just keep running through my mind. If she went to the doctor earlier, will she still be here? If she had chemotherapy, will she still be here? So many "If"

And now, My other grandma...God, please bless her. She's the one I'm really close to. I don't think I can stand the sight of another person leaving me again. 2 in 1 year is too much. I want her to see me get married, and carry her great grandchild. please bless her. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.....

Monday, July 17, 2006

Stormy Day

I guess...After a storm has passed, nothing can ever be the same again. It either change for the better or for the worst.

Had a really stormy day today, filled with dark clouds, typhoon, thunderstorm and blizzard. No, it wasn't really raining. Had sort of a quarrel with a friend today. Was something that I has bottled up for abt coming to 2 years, I guess I just couldn't stand it anymore. It seem like a lame point, and I know it was all my own thinking, my own fault etc. But maybe I'm just a selfish person. I don't know how to share.. Maybe I got too used with having my own things. Or maybe I'm just a very Ambitious person, maybe I just can't settle being in the middle, not being no.1. Or maybe I'm just in a plain bad mood looking for some trouble. Whatever the reason, My other friends said I ought to calm down first before advancing.

I felt that I didn't need to. Coz i felt that friends are like passing clouds. They stay awhile then they go. I told my other friend, that's how all my other friends have been, they come, stay, leave. I'm never one for communication and always voted last on popularity. But I blame no one. I dun blame heaven, or earth or my friends. I just think it's something I lack. Afraid of loneliness but never one to make the 1st move...I guess I'm like that. I never dare hope for too much in 1 person, coz u never know when they will make u disappointed. I tried before and I felt it. And guess what, I remember. And I guess from then on, I just live life as it is.

I know that after a storm, things will never be the same. They either change for the better or for the worse. Will it be better or worse, I dunno and neither am I interested in finding out. But whatever it is, good or bad, for better or worse, life must still...sadly...carry on.

P.S: Is this the time to lean into the arms of God? Guide me...

Monday, July 03, 2006

Can't Sleep!!!!

It's 1:02AM now, my aircon is blasting away, It's all dark and quiet, the perfect time to sleep...But 1 problem, I CAN'T SLEEP...>_<

Maybe coz tml sch will start?!?? I dunno. I prefer sch to attachment, but well I still prefer holiday to school...I mean, Duh, who dun. Well, it has been a terribly long time since I last posted right?? Coz there was some problem with my blog and it was during attachment.

Life has been rotating ard maplestory and more maplestory. 2xEXP, 2x Drop rate. And finally, I hit the big 6-0. Finally...But it seems like when I finally hit the big 6-0, people are hitting lvls like 100, 120 or even 130. I am so utterly amazed and have nothing to say.

3rd year now...so scary, time just flies so fast. It seems like only yesterday that I just entered only. I have been thinking, if I could turn back time, would I have choosen another course? I think I would have, but the problem is, what? Maybe hospitality and tourism?? Maybe even Engineering?? I dunno. Nursing isn't like any other job. That's what I always believe. And trust me when I say, I am absolutely dreading PRCP. Please let it be 6 weeks. Oh God, give me strength.

Speaking abt 3rd Year, NAPFA is here...AAAAHHHHH. God just save me. I gotta buck up man.

Went out on Fri with sarah for dinner. Somewhere at upper serangoon road. A place call Grapevine. I LOVE their bacon roll. Leave u longing for more ;p . Their brownie isn't bad but I just can't finish the whole brownie. I always find it too chocolate-ty for my liking. No matter how hungry I am, just a few mouth of mouth-watering brownie is enough to turn me off. But sarah just loves it.

It's 1:13AM now. It's still dark and quiet and my air con is still blasting away. Maybe I just ought to bang my head against the way to knock me out...LOL. Goody nite.

~The Emperor has spoken~

Thursday, February 23, 2006

OUCH!!!!

Hi, it's me. Long time no see right? Miss me? lol

Went and run yesterday. Me, sarah, char and yh. I almost died, lol. I ran 2 1/2 rounds and walked 1/2 round. Then we went and play ard, changed and went for lunch. And now today....I get the full effect...WHOLE BODY ACHE. Save me...I need a wheelchair. Front to back, top to bottom. Well, afterall, I haven't exercise for abt 3 years already.

Well, another boring day today. Sarah FINALLY finished her project. I'm about to be frozen. The aircon here is really...blasting. I'm surprised that it's not snowing here. Anyway, I better be going. ME want to go home. BuBye =)

~The emperor has spoken~

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Haiz...

Haiz....Got nothing to say. Just want to put I logged in. That's all.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Lazy gal signing in...

Hihi, long time no see.

Just went and cut my hair on sunday...it's really short now. Am discussing what elective to take with the usual few. Haiz...sch is here again. Actually, time really pass really fast. It seems like yesterday that I just went on holiday then attachment. LOL. But anyway, life still got to carry on. oh well, not really in the long speech mood now so chaoz.

The emperor has spoken~