Once Upon a December

2012-01-17T00:55:00.002+08:00

Wow! How long has it been? More than a year I reckon. No one reads this blog but still, I like to pop in once awhile (meaning once a year) and read/update.

Well, 4th year this year. How fast can it be right? It feels like it was only yesterday that I was right here, in my bed, typing about my upcoming 1st year. Will be leaving for Mel on the 23rd of Jan. However, I'll be back in less than 2 weeks. I know I'll miss my dear... I'm already missing him =(

In a way, I'm both happy and sad that it's my last year. Happy that I no longer need to worry about things like accommodation, finances, air tickets etc and missing my dear and having to deal with our long distance relationship + time difference. Sad cause I'll miss my freedom, and need to start working. I learnt so much the past 3 years. Life-long lessons.

Been reading my blog from the very beginning. Boy, I've grown. Maple and audition were my everything back then. Really miss the times we will all play together. We've all grown. Grown older and apart. Now, one by one, ppl are getting married/being parents. Sighs... life...

Really interesting to read about my life back then. Everything was so...simple. True, there were worries but everything was simple and fun. We had our share of drama but it was fun. If I am given a choice to re-live my poly life, I definitely would. Besides, It wouldn't hurt that I now have the clinical knowledge so clinical test will no longer be a problem. Muhahaha.

It's really entertaining to read about some of the things I used to believe in. E.g Not believing in having my own "Happily ever after" cause someone like me will NEVER have one. I finally found one. It took us forever... but it's ok, we'll have happily ever after =D

Maybe the next time I re-visit my blog, I'll find this post highly entertaining and amusing too. Haha.

For this year, I'm going to put it in to Jesus loving hands. Please continue to guide me in everything and keep me safe. Bless everyone back home and my dear. I'll have faith in you =D

"I may not understand my life, I may not understand my choices. I may not
understand the path I take, I may not understand the things I do. However, I'm
glad that you understand, cause to me, that makes me feel SO much better.
Thank You Jesus. "

2011-04-11T17:28:00.003+08:00

So much for boyfriend, so much for friends. When you are left with nothing, you'll realize that no one's left too.

When your tears start falling, no one will be here to catch them.

When your all alone, no one is around to give you a hug.

When life drags you to your knees, no one is around to give you a hand.

So fuck off with your fake concerns. When I really needed someone, there was no one. I'll live, I'll always live. I can always just take a U turn. I can blame no one for my stupidness. For my failure. But I'll walk my own path. Cause now I learnt. When you really need someone, there is ALWAYS no one.

2011-03-13T10:14:00.002+08:00

I realized that I haven't blogged for a LONGGGG time. Haha.

Well, back in Aus as usual. Started my 3rd year. Trying to take things one step at a time. Weather today is really good. Bright, hot and sunny. Which is a good thing here cause according to the weather forecast, it will be cold tml.

Being away from him made me realized how much I miss him and how important he means to me. I've gotten so used to his presence being around me that I feel so distant and so lost without him next to me now. Really miss him so much... The distance...The stupid 3hrs time difference... I'm seriously wishing for daylight saving to come again so that the time difference can be shorten to 2hrs. You will be surprised how much difference an hr can make.

I really hope to say I'm doing something meaningful with my life, but I sure don't feel that way. I've hit a really dry season in my walk with Jesus, but I still believe that he's always here for me. I guess I just need to reinforce it more into my relationship issues now and my stupid,emo,crazy mind. =(

Miss you dear...

2010-05-09T16:57:00.003+08:00

Maybe I've been a bad friend... Maybe I have depression. Maybe it's just PMS. Or at least I hope that it is only PMS.

I've been feeling down these few days. I have no idea why. So alone... Maybe I have been a bad friend. Or maybe, no one knows that I've been in a bad mood these few days cause my face is always black. Or maybe, no one cares. Frankly speaking, I'm way past caring. I know I tried my best to be a friend when people needed one. Some people just like company when they are upset and some just want to be left alone. What do I need now? I need a friend. I need company. But sadly, no one is here. The people here are giving me all the 'space' I need.

Just need someone to sit with me. Someone to do the talking. Just a presence. And all I have...is myself....Well done Amanda. You actually chased everyone away. Well done. Bravo.

2010-01-07T00:28:00.002+08:00

I wish that I was born a robot.

Cold, heartless and cruel.

I wished that I wasn't born a human.

Cause humans have a live beating heart that experiences feeling.

Today I experienced happiness, excitement, hopefulness and gratefulness. But the disappointment that you gave me made all those disappear.

For once in my life I don't know how to say goodbye...

2009-10-24T22:42:00.002+08:00

I've got so many questions for you. But I have got no idea how to begin.

Maybe it's just a 'one-way traffic'.

I hate myself.

Bitches

2009-10-03T22:25:00.003+08:00

I know no one reads my blog but I would still like to write some stuffs out.

'Bitches, the company pays you a salary to work, not to skype and bitch about someone else during working hours. Leave your bitching till you go home.'

Sorry for the outburst but... I just feel that there's too much injustice in this world. Pity my mum who has to go through that. That but by the grace of god could have been my previous work life. I'm just highly amused by the ability of humans, esp women, to be able to fabricate lies after lies with nothing but lies. Is there like some kind of adrenaline rush when you gossip about people? I can understand if the person you are gossiping about did something to you, but what if the person did nothing?

One thing I learnt about working life is: Everything you do, people gossip. Regardless of whatever role you play in your workplace. You can be the damn chiong one or the bo-cha one and still get pulled into this endless cycle of gossip. The only difference is whether you make the headlines for that day's gossip.

Upon entering the workforce, I knew that a hospital was more than it seemed. The public may see it as a place for dying, or maybe a 'dirty' place etc. That's nothing but surface though. In my whole 1 year 7 months there, I barely scratched past the surface and trust me when I say that a hospital is a place full of politics. So what role did I play amidst the war? I was the bo-cha one. I made it damn clear that I was there to work and I'm not interested in whether they liked me or not. Once I'm done, I leave. As simple as that. But still, I know that there has to be some gossip about me. Maybe of my 'black' face, or my coolness, or maybe my temper as well. But nonetheless, I couldn't care less. The good thing of having a 'black' face is that, people watch what they say in front of you. Gossips of me never reaches my ear. But gossip of other people always seemed to revolved around me. Might be due to the role I take I guess. Usually I'll just listen...but I believe in voicing your objections if someone says something untrue.

This is where I drag the men in. Most males will try and act like they are damn masculine. They will go to gym, and pump up those muscles, hoping to make the ladies think that they can provide them security etc. They act all high and mighty. But when the time comes for the men to really do something, they run and take cover before anything even happens. Where are your balls man?? Reflect upon it. You will realise that it's true.

I'm all for peace. Especially when it has nothing to do me. But how can you sleep at night knowing that you could have done something to help someone? I don't mean getting into a fight or whatsoever. You just have to state a point. I got dragged into something like that before.

When I was working, I knew a lot of my colleagues in my station didn't like this particular colleague of mine. They would bitch to me about her of course, and my stand was ' I wished they would stop' but I just kept quiet cause it wasn't really my problem. But one day, someone was complaining to me about that colleague and that they actually went up to my superior asking that they stop putting her in roles where she had to take charge. That was way too much. She asked me if I agreed. Overall I did agree with them, but the part with the superiors was totally uncalled for. Totally unnecessary. I just assertively said 'True, but don't you think you ought to give her more time? I'm sure she'll get better.'

You may think what the heck, what you said barely had any effect. True, I could have gotten into a whole argument etc but that's not what I want. I just wanted to let her know that I get what you mean and I understand your situation cause I'm not blind, but just give the girl some space. She's not a bad person, no one died under her watch. Just cut her some slack. She kept quiet after that. I don't think it was because she got my point. Think she just kept quiet cause she found out that I don't totally agree with her.

I know the endless cycle of office politics will never end. As long as there are humans, expect complicated and totally meaningless stuffs.

To that guy: Find your balls.

To those bitches: What goes around, comes around. It may not be tml, or next week or even next year. But one day, you WILL get it =)

Languishing

2009-09-29T12:36:00.001+08:00

If you could only see
That I was not put here for you
To judge me and dispute my inner most truth

And after all these years of enmity, envy and tears
It's a shame you don't know me at all

I was wondering
Would you cry for me?
If I told you that I couldn't breathe
If I was drowning, suffocating
If I told you that I couldn't breathe

Those ancient buried recollections
We transform them and select them
You have yours, I have mine
That's fine
While we're too torn to heal
Our stitch has never disappeared
I have mine, you have yours
I'm sure

I was wondering
Would you reach for me
If you saw that I was languishing
I was wondering would you cry for me
If I told you that I couldn't breathe
If I was drowning, suffocating
If I told you that I couldn't breathe

Nothing

2009-09-14T08:22:00.002+08:00

Amanda Wong thought she was anything but human. However she realised today that she was nothing but human.

I give up.

2009-08-26T08:38:00.000+08:00

Fake eyelashes Rox!

2009-08-21T18:06:00.006+08:00

Yozzy Yo...

Haha. OK, so what's new...

We went out to eagle bar last night. It wasn't in my plan as I actually had a meeting today at 9am!!

But well, daphne was like "I'll put on fake eyelashes for you" and that actually got me going. I've always wanted to know how it felt like and how I'll look like. Cause I know ppl like Xiaxue, she just adores her fake eyelashes. I guess I just needed to see the what's the whole thing about.

And so... It will have to start with the makeup. Let's say thank you to qimin. She has perfected her make up skill on my face. *claps for her and me as well for letting her practise =p*

Next, let's move on to the fake eyelashes. Daphne was the one who put them on for me. Those of you who know we well, you should know I'm a total noob to this kind of things... haha. It's a tough job and I've no idea how long we took in total. After putting on the one for my left eye, I went and took a look at my reflection, I almost fainted. I felt like a korean barbie doll. And it was very very obvious. As in like, the difference between pre and post fake eyelashes.

The end product. Don't mind the ugly skin. Just look at the eyelashes. Haha

My left eye after fake eyelashes.

The front viw of the left eye

Qimin and me after the whole process.

Photo taken in the toilet of eagle bar. Look at the difference between Right and Left eye.

Taken from above for a downward view. Ignore the beer =D

Again, Ignore the beer =D

Daphne and me. The person who put the fake eyelashes for ME!

Us in the toilet again... HAHA

After the whole thing, it's onto eagle bar for us. Now, after putting on such B-E-A-Utiful eyelashes, glasses is a big No-no. Therefore I went to the bar with no glasses at all. My whole night was a blur! The things I do for beauty.... Haha

Now I understand the whole thing about fake eyelashes. I realised that my eyes are very different. The fake eyelashes on my left eye was like going upwards but the one for my right was like going OUTward... I was like "Blame it on my parents" Haha. But well, it was nice! But it's quite a hassle to put on. The worse thing is, it will drop out after awhile, so you will need to bring your glue along. Mine stayed on the whole night though... Haha.

Well, I had fun. Even though it was blur and I kept having that constant fear that the fake eyelashes will drop out. Haha. But, what an experience!

Joee's Glowey Dom-dom

2009-08-16T20:38:00.003+08:00

Hihi

Just gave daphne my URL... Can't scold her on blog anymore... Haha =p

Ok, what's new? Well, the last time I ended off saying that we were going to celebrate a friend's birthday. Everything was good except... MY FREAKING PRESENT DID NOT ARRIVE!!!!

Asshole.

It better come soon, or I'll freaking blast that website with countless of spam.

What's the prezzie? Joee's Glowey dom-dom. Not sure if you guys know what it is... but I reckon you all should know.

Was reading through all my previous entries. From the 1st post all the way to the most recent. Firstly, my blogging frequency sure haven't change. I'm such an infrequent blogger. Haha.

Another thing I realised was that, alot of things that I was bitching about in my blog, other than the major stuffs, the rest, I completely totally can't remember it at all. I can't remember who I was angry with and what happened. Geez... Short term memory.

But, though I'm an infrequent blogger, this blog, really did grow with me. From 1st year of nursing to working life in SGH and now, here in Aus. I've grown. While reading back, I started thinking back to our poly days. How we dreaded attachment etc. This blog, really helped to refresh my memory. How I felt during PRCP, how I felt while working etc.

Looking back at my working life, though it was a short 1yr 7months, I accomplished alot of things. I hated the way I was always 'thrown' into the 'big ocean' and forced to learn how to swim the hard way. I complained, I cried. I felt like giving up. However, I'm proud to be able to stand tall and face those memories cause I took every single shit life thrown at me, and I survived. As compared to my other colleagues, they took a longer time to learn. I guess it's just in me. The way I'll always complain and doubt myself, but never giving up without a fight, without knowing how far I can go.

Guess that will always be for I face life. Complain, doubt but never giving up till I gave my very last shot.

Better read my entry all over again... In case I said something I shouldn't have... Haha. Joking =)

One more thing while reading my previous post. Sarah, remember how I always said that I don't believe in happily ever after? Well, I don't completely believe in happily ever after, but I'm keeping a look out for it. My mum just gave me the green light to start dating =p

Night.

Thinking mood

2009-08-12T18:31:00.003+08:00

Hihi,

I'm so happy with my blog skin. I changed it on my own... Yay! Finally, not having to rely on people to help me change my blog skin makes me feel so liberated =D

Well, after my last national day gathering, nothing exciting has happened. There's just going to be a birthday celebration tonight at 12am for someone's 21st birthday. Not sure how it will go... hope it will be good.

A piece of good news. I actually received advanced standing for bio this semester. I'm so happy. Not only do I save on the freaking school fees, I only have to sit for 1 paper at the end of the semester. Hooray! You won't believe the price for 1 biology subject for this semester. Freaking 2,407 Aus dollars. Should have thought of advance standing last semester... But oh well... Haha.

Went for my new elective lecture today. No longer doing 'Making sense of the movies' cause it really made no sense to me. I tried my hardest but well, hopeless. Anyway, I'm now doing this elective called 'Writing your own life'. Basically it's about writing. Though it's difficult, at least I understand what's going on. The lecture was on Memoirs. Writing of personal memoirs.

"How much is too much?"

"What's a taboo subject/s"

"How would you describe your 1st sensual/sexual encounter?"

Questions like these were asked during lecture. Well, it did get me into the whole writing mood. I never really thought of myself as a 'relationship' writer. I tend to like to merge friction and personal life together when I write. Or at least that was how I used to write. But ya... it was like a whole "neither right nor wrong" question and answer lecture.

Went outside to get a cake after lecture with my friend. There were so MANY cakes in that cake shop and every single one looked so NICE! We were like standing there for 10mins just deliberating on which cake to buy. Haha.

Well, still pretty much in the whole thinking mood today. All thanks to the lecture. Questions with no answer... or question with answersss.

But one thing for sure... I don't think I'll ever want to be a 'relationship' writer. Reason: I have got no clue what's going on. Things just got pretty weird around here. There's this guy and my friend whom we all thought had a thing for each other, but she thinks that another of our friend actually has a 'thing' for him too. Why do things like this always get so complicated? Haiz... Long story. First 2 not a couple but she goes to his room every night. The 3rd girl used to go to his room quite frequently but after she realized that there's a thing with the 1st 2, she stopped. Now that his birthday is here, these 2 girls are like totally putting everything in for this birthday... How weird can it get?? Geez.

Last question for lecture before we ended... "If you could ask one question, what would it be?"

I guess my question would be..." Is it still possible?"

xoxo

Happy National Day!!

2009-08-09T22:29:00.006+08:00

Happy National Day peeps!! I know it's over already but well, just came back from a National Day gathering held by Singapore Society in La Trobe.

Let's start from the top:

9th of Aug is the National Day for Singapore. Though we are so far from home, every singaporean still remembers that today is our nation's 44th birthday. Therefore, a gathering was held by the Singapore Society in La Trobe to celebrate our nation's birthday.

The event started at 1945hrs local time which included registration and a speech by the president of Singapore Society La Trobe aka SingSoc. Me and my friends did not RSVP for this event, therefore we had to pay 15bucks for this event which consisted of dinner and live telecast of the parade.

2000hrs: The start of the long awaited dinner. Everything was perfect... well, pretty good. Can't really expect too much here.

Main Course

Hainanese Chicken Rice (Freaking Awesome!)

Char Kway Teow (Not too Bad)

Chicken Satay (Good!)

Fried Carrot Cake (Absolutely Horrible!)

Spicy Chicken Wings (Looks pretty good but I have no idea if it tastes good cause I didn't take those)

Mixed Vegetable (Average)

Drinks

Bandung (Yuck!)

Teh Terik (Yummy!)

Water (Better than Bandung. Hate Bandung >.<)

Dessert

Chendol ( Me no eat. Friends say too much coconut milk)

Now, what's a National Day Parade without the goodie bags? Well, due to some unforeseen circumstances, instead of sending 70 goodie bags over, the sponsors of SingSoc only sent 20!! Thus, in order to be fair, the 20 goodie bags were given away in a lucky draw, and.... *drum roll* yours truly won one!!! HAHAHA

Events leading to it:

President of SingSoc: We will now be giving out the 1st 10 of the goodie bags. Get your no. out. (mine is 032).

Me to friends: Oh... Look at the skydivers. Wonder how is it they ever land right where they are supposed to. (Background calling of 1st no.)

Friend to me: Ya... Wonder what happens if they land in the water. (Background calling 2nd no.)

Me to friends: *Lol* Ya, maybe they'll swim back to the parade. (Background calling 3rd no.)

My action after that sentence: Back to my food. (Background calling 3rd no. again)

Me: while eating...(background went '032' '032'??)

And I was like "did she call 032? That number sounds so familiar..."

Me: Look at my number... "Shit, it's me!!!!"

My hand flew up and I was like shouting "ME!!!!!" Unbelievable, I actually got the bag. =D

A few numbers after mine, another of my friend got the bag too. Unbelievable. 2 out of 3 of us got the bag in the 1st round. Of course, we started exploring what the bag had. Vouchers etc.

My Pink NDP Bag (Like the Lime Green better though =p)

The Bag can be transformed into that as well. Cool!

Goodies inside the bag: Vouchers, sweet, tissues. There's the heart shape light as well.

Upclose with the Mr Bean stick. Suppose to use this and hit the 'Hand' thingy for sounds =)

After the 2nd round of bag lucky draw, another of my friend got the bag too. 3 of us! We went in together and we all walked out with the goodie bags. How lucky! I won an extra Merlion Keychain (Above) as well cause I answered a question correctly during the quiz. =)

The Singapore flag that came together with the bag, is standing tall and proud on my bookshelf.

At 8.22pm (Singapore time) we stood up to say the pledge. Watching the whole parade from a place that's so far away from home, just makes everyone feel like going home. Watching it from home and watching it from a place away from home is a totally different feeling. You may be thinking "What's new about this year parade? It's the same as the last one" but for us, watching it miles and miles away from home, our thoughts are "Omg, look at the soldiers. Look at our PM etc" Suddenly, this parade that we have been watching for years, or for many of us who can't even be bothered to watch it back home, it just seems like we are just beginning to really WATCH the parade for the 1st time.

NDP songs that you can't be bothered singing, were sung loudly here. National Anthem and pledge that you can't be bothered to stand up to at home, we proudly do the opposite here. Watching a parade from a place away from home just gives you a warm fuzzy feeling. Looking at the background of where the parade was held, brought back fond memories. It's just so amazing how much you actually miss when you take things for granted and when you lose those things, and get to see it again, you start to look at it from a different perspective.

You may not understand the feeling of being away from home. You may not be able to fully comprehend the idea behind every NDP song. But for me, after watching the parade from foreign land, I totally understood now. I learnt that, even though my country is just a small, red dot, we speak singlish, we may not have the freedom to do certain things or behave certain ways and we may have limited land, but at the end of the day, that's home.

The grass always seem greener on the other side. But guess what, I'm standing from the other side and I'm telling you, maybe you should just take a look at the grass on your own side cause it's greener. Whatever I have over here, you have it over there. But you have something that I do not have, and that is the company of family and friends. This world is huge and it does have alot of things to explore. But at the end of the day, everyone of us, no matter where we are or what we do, at the end of the day, we'll just want to go home. For me, I found my home and I can't wait till I can go back home again. Have you?

Happy National Day.

Give Thanks!

2009-07-19T01:15:00.002+08:00

Sorry, I know it's been a long time.

Back in Singapore now. But I'm just left with 10 more days!!! Why do time pass so quickly whenever you want it to slow down? Sighs...

Saw my results for the first semester about 10 mins ago. No I didn't fail any... which was surprising for me haha, but praise god =)

However, the first feeling that went through my mind was "Why am I doing all these again?" I started feeling really sad, really down. I just wanted to quit. I know I seek purpose in life but is this what I really want? I started to pray and I suddenly had the urge to visit a website that charmaine gave me years ago and I went and watched a clip entitled 'Life'. While watching, I was reading some comments and the Holy Spirit spoke to me "It's God's plan to prosper you so never doubt him. No doubt the path may be long and uphill, but be assured that Jesus is with you every step of the way." That just brought me so much comfort. Thank you Jesus =)

I may not understand my life, I may not understand my choices. I may not understand the path I take, I may not understand the things I do. However, I'm glad that He understands, cause to me, that makes me feel SO much better.

Thank You Jesus.

P.S. Lord, I take back what I wrote before I left. Please make the next 4 years fly by. Amen!

Happy~

2009-04-28T21:33:00.002+08:00

Well, here I am again...

I'm supposed to be doing a summary for one of the enquires I have, but yet, here I am...

Went out to buy a heater today, finally... So sick of waking up to a freaking cold room that is way colder than the corridor. Seriously, what's the point of putting a heater if it is equal to no heat at all?!!

Was feeling nauseated this morning. No idea why. Maybe cause I went straight back to bed after breakie. And so not giving it enough time to digest. Anyway, I'm better now =D

Was looking through my friends blog. Sigh... I miss you guys so much.

To Jian Hao: Thanks alot =D I let my friends listen to your singing and they were like really impress. They said that you can really sing and the next time u decide to record, please record it with video. But anyway, thanks alot, it just felt so sweet...haha. And yes, it did put a smile on my face =D

Btw, the school actually found my passport and guess what, I can re-use my old passport. Praise God. And yes, I have learnt my lesson =p

God bless

xoxo Amanda

2009-04-18T14:54:00.002+08:00

Hihi, how have you been? It's been ages since I last blog.

Weather is getting colder and more windy with each passing day. Days are getting shorter as well.

Life has been pretty ok here. The life all by myself. Taking responsibilities for my actions etc. Went out with daph, qimin and Ana yesterday. A day of shopping... Feet damn pain. And followed by a good korean dinner. Damn Good. The most satisfying meal I ever had since I arrived in melbourne in feb. Really good.

The only major thing that happened to me was that I lost my passport. I cried till like there was no tomorrow, but ya, I got it settled now. At least now I know how to get a new passport when I lose mine overseas...

School is pretty ok I guess. Just finished all my 1st enquires. But there's more to come along =(

Was just reading pei xuan blog. Haha, miss you so much. Can't wait to see you. Please post lesser food pics alright, cause I can't eat them from here. Hope everything will go well for you in the ward. Maybe I'll see you in the next few months.... hmm *winks*

Btw, I remember what's the antidote for morphine overdose- Naloxone

Haha, too bad she's not asking me. =p But glad to see you doing well =)

I seriously miss you guys. Will see you in a couple of months *winks* Maybe One fine day in the next few months, you will receive a call from me... haha.

Take care, god bless

xoxo Amanda

hi

2009-03-22T17:43:00.002+08:00

Wow, I just realized that I haven't blog in a long time.

Lots of stuffs happened. Lots of feelings. Not feelings of homesickness, but more of feelings associated with the heart. It's not Mr Perfect in the previous post, but another guy. Seriously, we won't work out, but it's always like me, falling for people who I will never have a chance with. I know, I'm suppose to study. And trust me, I have been studying. Just need a little distraction from life you know. But ya, this distraction is really a distraction.

Friend asking me to go out and drink again. Geez, I just drank yesterday, and now I'm drinking again?? I dunno. Ever since I came here, I have really been drinking. Think when I go back, we can have a bottoms up competition and I'll win... haha. Ok, I'm not proud of that. Alright, I got to go now. I'll blog again...I think.

Hi

2009-02-28T08:00:00.002+08:00

Just saying hi again.

It's been a couple of weeks now, and I think I'm starting to kinda get used to it here. But I still want to go home. Lots of things to say, lots of feelings to express, but well...it will be a long story and I don't know where to start talking from.

Joined this christian group called FOCUS and had my first meeting last friday. They are pretty nice people, and I met this guy there whom I call my Mr Perfect cause he's perfect in my eyes but oh well, that's just for looking cause he's seriously out of my league.

Anyway, school will start on monday. No idea how it will be like. But at least I'm getting closer to getting home each day.

Think I've been drinking alot since I reached here. Australian Favourite Past-time- Drinking Beer and party. Yup. Hope I don't get a beer belly soon =S

-Amanda

=((

2009-02-17T05:49:00.002+08:00

Currently saying hi from La Trobe in Melbourne. It's 8.49am in the morning. Just had my breakfast.

Feeling really really down. Parents are leaving today. Cried till my eyes are puffy and all red. Now, I really have nothing. But I know the Lord is with me, and his presence never leaves me. And I know he will help me pull through until I live for Singapore.

Lord, grant me the serenity of mind, calmness of heart so that I will be able to study well.

Lord, you are my shelther, my provision and my healer.

Will be counting down till the day I leave for home...

=X

2009-02-10T22:57:00.002+08:00

Hi...

I'm now having a backache from all those weighing of the luggage. Ever tried packing for 4 years? Not fun, don't ever try it. Serious.

Can you believe it?!? 1 more day.

I'm not going to say I hope 4 years pass quickly *Though I want it to*
I'm going to say...I will sit back relax and enjoy what life will throw at me for the next 4 years. Cause I know, if life throws lemon at me, Jesus himself will use the lemons and make lemonade for me to drink =) Amen.

So my friends, let's all sit back, relax and enjoy my next 4 years.

On the other hand... I'M GOING TO MISS SINGAPORE, ALL MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS. AND I'M SO GOING TO MISS MY BED...

To all my friends...regardless of when we met, how we met, or the way we met, each and everyone of u created an impact in my heart, soul and mind. I will not be who I am today without each and everyone of you. To be honest, 4 years is really a very long time. So In case I don't ever get a chance to say it ever, I just want to say Thank you. Thank you for everything. That's the best I can express myself...

OK, that was the mushy-est thing I will ever say =p

Take care and God Bless

-Wong Amanda

Shalom

2009-01-17T22:05:00.001+08:00

Here I am, in my MO room, waiting for abigail. Hope Sister will just hurry =/

I went for this La trobe thingy today. Some sort of like a orientation briefing before the real orientation in Australia. I saw the people who will be doing Podiatry with me. There's a total of 5!!! Can you believe it?? 5!!! So many sia. I thought there will only be like 2. And they are all A level holders. Think sponsored too. Haiz. Sitting next to all of them, I felt so plain, so common, so lowly, so pressured, so...stupid.

It's like a roller coaster of emotions. Excited, Nervous, Scare, Happy, Worried... I think I'm going crazy too. Think I'm more afraid of the situations my parents will be facing here than the things I will face there. Read the new? Companies may freeze or cut wages to get through this crisis. Only god knows How long this crisis will last... 4 years... A 4 whole years. Suddenly I feel like I'm so stupid, for choosing this path. It's like though I don't really like what I'm doing, I've been doing for 1 year plus. Though I keep to myself, Somehow, I just shine. (Thank you Jesus)

And so, I was reading Joanna blog. Her relationship with jesus is really strong. She really trust in him and really feels him. But for me, it's like half-half. But I know I got to trust, have faith. Trust that he will provide for me, not just the next 4 years, but when I come back to S'pore, I will be able to get a job. *Trust*

Pray for me alright? It's just so scary...it's like a rollercoaster. I'm starting to dread feb 12th.

Happy new year =)

2009-01-01T22:12:00.004+08:00

Shalom.

Went out with some friends yesterday after work. I actually forgotten about the gift exchange and the present which I brought along was actually unsuitable for a guy if he was to choose it. And end up...Nevermind, long story. But in the end, he didn't get it. Charmaine did so, we can say she got the most expensive gift on the table =)

It was really fun, we haven't met up in a long time. And my dearest jihan is getting engaged on 13 March. Gosh, I can't believe it. Congrats my dearest. I'm so glad that you finally found your 'one and only'. I remember the times where you will always say that you will never fall in love etc. But now look at you my dearest, getting engaged soon. *Envy* Sighs... Congrats Jihan. =)

Too bad I can't be there cause I'll already be in Australia. But Nonetheless, My greatest, most sincere, most heartfelt congrats going your way.

Seeing all of us together again, after so long. I must say, we have really grown. We have seen 2 of our friends get married, and are now parents. And now jihan's engagement. I'm just eager to see who will be next. And once again, being together again, it just bring back lots of memories. Both good and bad.

Joanna crazy laughter, Sarah and that giggle. Charmaine and gen totally inseperable. Jihan looking as gorgeous as usual, and now more radiant. Etc. I guess, I'm still the same 'ol ,same 'ol,
quiet, keep to myself. Watch and listen.

I watched the movie 'Twilight'. It is SO romantic. Just so Romantic. Sighs. I once had a dream like that. A few years ago which I still remember clearly up till now. But of cause it was not the same scenario like the movie. In my dream, me and this guy was running away from vampires and I got the chance to escape. It's a long dream so I'll just say the end part. I managed to get into this cab and I was like in this carpark. I remember the guy asking me to get as far away as I can. So I wanted to go home to get my passport to go Malaysia. I told the driver to step on it. The taxi driver said ok and we were at the barrier there. And the driver said ' You should know, once we leave, we can never go back.' And I really stopped and thinked. I know he most probably have already become a vampire, but well. I just had this feeling inside me. And so in the end, I walked back to find him. For him, I was willing to become a vampire. And my dream just sort of slowly faded while the vampire was sucking my blood and I was looking at the guy I love. Haha.

Ya... some may say stupid, some may say romantic. But I dunno. Even in my dream, that feeling was so strong. If it was real life.... I would go to. *Stupid* I know.

In this new year of 2009, I don't know what will happen. But I'm just glad and thankful that I have Jesus to walk with me. He have really changed my life. I realised that I'm really starting to lean on him. Sometimes I tend to forget and rely on my own strength but he always guides me back to him. For the next 4 years, my trust is in him to be my provision, my strength, my wisdom and my life.

And before I end off. I realised something during our little gathering yesterday. I realised, if you had only made me feel like I was your one and only, and not make me feel like I was no different from the rest, maybe, just maybe we would have worked out. And so my wish for you (not sure if you will read this, and even if you read this, you may or may not know it's you but anyway...) My wish for you in the new year 2009 is to be bold, step forward and express yourself when you meet the one. Enough of guessing games. Be bold, step forward and express yourself ok? =)

Happy new year people =)

Merry christmas and Happy New Year

2008-12-26T23:56:00.002+08:00

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!

Sorry, abit late. I was away.

Thanks for all the wishes people. So touched that most of you remember my birthday except for some insignificant people, but no matter.

Well, Amanda Wong in now officially, legally 21. lol.

Think it will be quite a long post.

Think last week, I celebrated my birthday with Yung Hwui, gen and charmaine at Marina Square, Sakae Sushi. It was pretty fun, loads of presents going around. Including my birthday presents. Let me see if I can remember what I got... They gave me a bag, a scarf, a photo frame with our photos inside (Sweet!!!) a perlini silver necklace and bracelet, and loads of other small small stuffs....And I got a BEAR. Yes!!! I finally got my own bear. Think it's like a new custom now. Ever since I built the first one for yh, now all 4 of us got a bear. There was LOTS of ice cream to go around too that day. Cause firstly I ordered ice cream from sakae and they didn't stop me. And when the waitress came out with the cake, IT ALSO ICE CREAM CAKE... I was so stuffed with ice cream, my stomach felt sick for at least 30mins after food. Haha, but no matter, we had fun.

Just came back from Malaysia with my family. They brought me there for my birthday. Think I had been eating buffet dinner for the past 2 nights. Think I gained weight =x But my parents gave me a DS game. Got 46 games inside. Haha. Now can slowly play.

Was just thinking. Now that Christmas is over, 2009 will be coming in a few days time. Every time I think about 2009, I feel butterflies in my stomach. Think it's because I will be leaving soon. I dunno how it will be, I dunno if I can cope. But no matter, I've left it in the hands of Jesus, and my trust will be in the unshakable =)

I've also thought up a list of what I want to do before I leave:
1) QUIT MY JOB
2) K box
3) Spend loads of time with my family and friends
4) Buy this pendent I saw from the Rock. (Ever since I saw it, I'm like so going to get it but it's like so expensive...)
5) Go church one more time
6) Go out pubbing ( remember 4th Feb hor)
7) Buy Chinese New Year Clothes
8) Buy Abigail's Birthday present (I still owe her...When u free ar??!?)
9) Movies, Loads of Slacking
10) Pack for the Next 4 years... (I'm a goner =s)

As for No.11. A secret 'little to do' thing or rather a 'to experience' thing I have for myself. But I don't think I will have the courage to ever say it out. HAHA. I hope that when I come back from australia in 4-5 years time, I earnestly pray hard that the Rock gift store will still have that ring that they showed in the cabinet, cause I found my wedding rings =)

As for that pendent...Maybe I should get it one of these days before I leave. But seriously...It's so expensive like $300++. Haiz. I'll think about it.

Sian

2008-12-14T04:09:00.001+08:00

Here I am again... On my very 1st night again.

Sian. Hate doing night. Wish I was at home sleeping. But instead. I'm in my MO's room, blogging one handed, with my other hand holding a mushroom sandwich. Sigh.

Can't wait for night to be over...

Sweet Sweet Stuffs

2008-11-28T04:43:00.002+08:00

Here I am, my very 1st night. Blogging in my Ward's MO room. Hopefully the night Sister doesn't catch me.

I was just going through my mails that had been in my account for months (Sorry!!) and I saw something that was...well... woke me up cause I was like dozing off while reading my mails. And after I read that mail, I just had this urge to post it here. No idea why, but I'm too sleepy to fight that urge so here goes...

Good Stuff in Life.....
Read Slowly... Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?
Saying something and wishing you hadn't?, or Saying nothing and wishing you had?

I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might break your heart...if you don't, you might break theirs.

Have u ever decided not 2 become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?

Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't.You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own........when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.

Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much...for fear that the other person does notcare as much, or even at all.

Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.

Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done, or could have had.

* What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say good-bye?
*What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?
*What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt? (even if it is that you don't care anymore)
*What would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have them?
*What would you do if you never got the chance to say I am friends with all of my family and they know I love them?
*People live, but people die. I want to tell you thatyou are a friend.
If you died tomorrow (God Forbid)you would be in my heart.Would I be in yours?

You might be best friends one year, pretty good friends the next year, don't talk that often the next, and don't want to talk at all the year after that. So, I just wanted to say, even if I never talk to you again in my life, you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life.

Aww...so sweet right?!? Haha. Anyway, it was pretty good. So yup, better be going. Byez

Ouch

2008-10-23T19:09:00.001+08:00

Ouch, my face hurts....

Went for facial today with Abigail. The woman was like saying my face is really bad. Why now then come facial. And I think she really went all out to extract all my 'big' black heads. Now, I've got red spots on my face and it hurts =( Price for beauty...

I did something really 'naughty' today. I tried to 'matchmake' 2 people together. And I must say, pretty good results for my first time. Haha.

Friendless...Finally??

2008-10-17T22:35:00.002+08:00

Today, I finally realised how 'friendless' I am.

The past few weeks, I realised that I had not learnt my lessons from the past. Here I am, getting myself into this mess again, and end up, despite all I've put in, I'm still the one getting hurt. I give up. Yes, now I have no more friends left. I'm left to spend my off days by myself, but I've decided that enough is enough. I, Amanda Wong, Have learnt my lesson. I will no longer be that brainless girl who always gives and ends up getting nothing in return. And worse still...people treat you like crap...Like you are some kind of reserve, some kind of spare tire. I may be loneliy from now on, but like I said before, no one have ever died from loneliness. Maybe it's a good thing not to have any friends as well... at least when I leave, I leave with a somewhat empty heart, cause I have nothing to look forward to back home other than my family.

I used to think that when I leave, I'll miss that fellow. But now, I guess no.

Lonely...I am so lonely...I have nobody...to call my own... HAHA

Signing off, Amanda

Stupidity

2008-09-27T22:06:00.002+08:00

Today, I just realized that I have to be the stupidest person in the whole wide world. I thought I would have learnt my lesson from the last time, but I just broke my own heart again.

A friend of mine was facing some problems. When she called up crying, I just listened even though I have no idea what she was saying cause she was crying and speaking at the same time. Anyway, conclusion is I still don't know what's going on as she said she's not comfortable in sharing with me. It's ok with me. I'm not those kind of people who will force it out of you even though you don't want to share. I just listen. If you want to say, I'll listen. If you don't want to say, no hard feelings as well.

Anyway, next day, this friend suddenly messaged me saying that she would like to stay overnight in my house that day. I was shocked but I told her no problem. If my friend/s need a place to stay, of course no problem. Immediately, I went to clean up my room, mopped the floor, prepared the bed, pillow and blanket for her and awaited her arrival cause I know she just had a hard day yesterday. Who knows, at night she called, saying that she can't make it and will come tomorrow as she will be with her boyfriend that night. Fine with me. The next day, I didn't dare to go anywhere in fear that she may just come anytime and there will be no one at home. The whole family stayed at home awaiting her arrival and end up, she's not coming again. Where will she be going?? Her boyfriend place lor. What the heck. Suddenly I feel like my house is like a hotel. Only when her boyfriend don't want to take her then come my place. What the heck man.

I'm just so damn pissed. Everytime I go all the way out for my friends, I end up geting hurt. Even though I have no idea what's going on, I just welcomed her, and prepared for her a comfortable environment. But I end up feeling like a complete total idiot. Forget it man. I'm stating it right here now. I'm never going to go all the way out for anyone again. Forget it. So, what did I do? 1, I went and put back all the pillows everything. 2, I made my whole room messy again. If she wants to stay, I will only prepare when she is in my house, wanting that spot to sleep.

So, I found out today that I got an illness called stupidity.

Hi, bye

2008-08-04T23:15:00.002+08:00

Yoz, how's life?

I must be getting old :( Someone just asked me yesterday if I was married. Well, if it was a handsome young dashing doctor, I will be more than happy to answer. Too bad it was my EN. End up she still older than me. Haiz... So sad. Oh well, what to do, ugly is like that one.

Was just browsing through friendster, I'm really glad to see my friends all doing well. At least they look happy in the pictures. And so naturally, I feel comforted and relieved to know that even though we haven't talked or messaged each other after so long, at least they are doing well.

Maybe I haven't written here that one of my classmate gave birth a couple of months ago. I'm really glad for her. Her baby is so cute. Just makes you feel like having one too. But while looking at that little life, while looking at her, with her husband and their son, it really just brought an understanding to me. It's not easy for a woman to give birth. It's really painful and well, you should know how it goes. Cause for me, to get married to someone, I'm entrusting my future to him, the rest of my life to him. And to get pregnant...I think I really need to love him more than anything else. And so far...I haven't met that person yet. And so watching that new family together, they really helped me to sort out a feeling that I have been struggling for so long. And it feels really good to finally get it right. Praise god.

Well, work wise, things are going fine. Guiding the new staff nurses now. And someone just told me I look very senior when I'm just one year their senior. Sigh...think my heart break until cannot glue back liao.

Sigh...I'm going to end off broken-hearted.

I want AL!!!

2008-05-14T22:32:00.002+08:00

How's Life so far? I hope yours better than mine.

Work still sucks. I have been IC for so long, I think I forgotten how to do junior. With JCI around the corner, all my sisters are doing are just training us up for JCI. Initially wanted to leave before june, but once my colleague told me that there is a bonus in june, I'm definately sticking around.

I'm still waiting for that reply for scholarship. And I'm praying so hard that I'll get it. So pray for me ya? Don't ask what it's for, just pray for me if you want to see me back in Singapore after 4 years. Once I get that scholarship, I think I'll fly straight to heaven.

I'm so counting down to my AL. 4 more days till 2 whole weeks of AL. And I'm going overseas. HAHA. It's only to China but well, I just want to get away from SGH.

I'm starting to hate Outram Park.

I want AL!!!!

And to you, my answer is still NO.

What will I be....?

2008-02-22T22:01:00.002+08:00

Hi, it's me again. Have been doing alot of thinking recently. Thinking if I should go overseas, thinking about alot of stuffs etc. But at least I know one thing that I still want..And that is to leave that idiotic ward of mine.

Been doing alot of thinking recently on how I want my future to be. Was faced with options on either studying in Singapore or Australia. But the problem with Singapore is the tertiary education here is so inflexible. Anyway, I missed the deadline of NUS by one day. So guess it's pretty much set. Cause smu and sim only offers Social Sciences which is courses like Psychology etc. And frankly for me, Although I prefer Psychology to Socialogy, I don't really have a very keen interest in studying that. Parents were asking me to consider Pharmacology, but the thing is, the drugs seems to know me but I don't know them. I've got a feeling for Podiatry but I really wonder about the future of Podiatrist here in Singapore for the next 5-6 years. If I really do go, I'll be all alone for 4 years. Cause unlike some people, I don't have the luxury of having someone I know to go and endure 4 years with me.

But I do know one thing...If I ever have to leave, No one will know except my family. Hate me if you want but that's the way I want it to be.

Sympathy and Pity

2008-02-04T00:14:00.000+08:00

Here I am, sitting in front of the computer, with a thousand and one things in my mind going through at the same time, and yet I can't find a place to start. From work to future, from past to present.

So much feelings locked up inside, I wished I could share. But I guess it's just me to always feel alot more than I let out. A tear was shed yesterday by me when she left us standing there yesterday. No one may know, but one tear just rolled out. Sympathy for the one who care, and pity for the one who left. Sympathy for the one who care, who have to stand there and take in every nonsense, and watch her leave us. Pity for the one who left, for not knowing what she left behind. A lot was risked by some people just for the sake of being together, but to have it end that way makes all that was risked in vain. Disappointed, hurt, angry. So, How do I feel? The moment she walked out on us, and left us standing there, the moment that tear rolled out of my eyes, she had already walked out of my life. That's how I feel.

Change can make people react in very weird ways. Maybe because she is leaving, that's why she reacted that way. Maybe I should leave this year too and see what will happen. Or maybe I should just leave and never return. Afterall my thinking should be the same like her's and that is I won't be missed. But lol, I'm sure she will be missed, but me...nah I dun think so. Haha.

Guess the lesson learnt is: Tolerance, and knowing when to stop your nonsense. Good night

I finally found it...

2007-12-20T00:52:00.001+08:00

I can't believe how stupid I am..the answers to all my problems has always been right in front of me... The answer to L&L&L actually lies in faith. Just, faith. I finally found what I lost a long time ago... I actually lost faith.

Usual stuffs

2007-12-20T00:11:00.000+08:00

So, it's me again...

Just went back to work on monday after AL. So, how did I spend my AL? Well, since it was just a short 7 dyas + 1 RD and 1 DO, naturally I couldn't go very far. Haiz...

So what's new? Met up with some people on tuesday, received my birthday presents which kinda surprised me, cause that would explain why I had the really weird feeling since morning. I was like feeling all jittery and I had no idea...and no, it's definately not due to that handsome Endo HO. I had been doing junior for at least 1 week before AL, till yesterday. Not that I'm complaining, junior is kinda good and bad. Good cause less stress, bad cause well, I will have no reasons to talk to doctors. Well, anyway, just both good and bad. Still trying to figure out which one outweighs the other.

I can't run anymore, sister caught me and made me sign that confimation letter...Just great =(
1 month notice before leaving now...it's only 5 months, what's her rush?

My butt is aching, my palm is aching, my back is absolutely killing me, my lungs were on the verge of collapsing on monday and now my whole body is aching from head to toe just because of that stupid BCLS re-cert. I was like so close to failing but well, I passed. Wouldn't know how to explain to sister if I failed... The instructor was telling me "Give a slow, steady kiss...like how you usually do...'' Er...but what's a slow and steady kiss?? Haha, but well, I finally grasped that technique, so now, I'm certified to do 'slow and steady kisses' if necessary...well at least that cert is valid for 2 years...haha

L&L...I'm sick and tired of the yearning, the longing and trying to find out the reason. I have absolutely no idea how to carry on, or think about things like when, who and how. Sometimes life is just so unfair, but sometimes, I realised that life is fair. Maybe it's destined to be this way, maybe it's fated. Maybe I'm supposed to be a complete failure in everything, or maybe good things aren't supposed to happen to me. If that really is the way, then let it be that way. Because the world will keep on spinning and life will just keep moving. Cause no one gives a damn, so whatever will be, will be...

L&L&L...I hate Ls...

What is the meaning of life?

2007-11-05T23:04:00.000+08:00

Didn't think I'll be blogging at this time...In fact didn't even think that I will ever be blogging again. Oh well...

So work...Well, I can't believe I actually had the guts to go up to sister and talked about quitting. Of course it wasn't like "Sister, I'm quitting." It was more of like a topic orginating out of another topic. Of course sister didn't allow it, in fact she didn't even want to talk about it. But of course, after my pestering, she finally 'talked' to me about quitting and ended off with saying I need to give her 20 good reasons before she will allow me to quit...hmm...

Frankly speaking, I'm just waiting. Waiting for my last straw. Somehow, sister seemed to be smarter now. Just when I made up my mind I'm going to quit, she'll come up with something nice and soften my heart, make me junior etc, and make me rethink. Will be starting my 1st night in SGH on thurs. I truly wonder WHY am I always the FIRST to be thrown into everything? FIRST to be thrown to be in charge, now FIRST to be thrown to do night? Out of 10, wrong, 9, coz 1 just resigned, out of 9, why am I always the first? Sister always seems to think that I joined in June...dots. I'm always thrown out there by myself, and I have to struggle so that others can have a more better experience going through what I go through. Is it cause I'm the most outspoken? Is it cause I have the largest body mass around all 9 of us? Haiz..

I'm glad that I have Abi with me during work, someone to talk to. All of us are just waiting...Waiting for that moment when our last straw finally arrives and so we can shoot one letter into sister office.

Think I'll most probably go overseas and study. Found a course which I kinda have some interest. But it will take 4 years...think I'm up for it? Who knows what will happen after 4 years? Maybe I'll come back with an accent. Or maybe after 4 years, I'll be too lazy to come back home again. I dunno. Anyone know of 'any study in australia' convention coming up?

Haven't met yh for quite sometime. We almost went shopping the last time, but well, sisters are just so unpredictable. Haiz...how did my life turned out like that? I only have just one wish...I wish that I can go to sleep, and never wake up...coz I can't find anything in life to hold me back, ok, fine, other than my family and friends.

I better go to sleep...though I'm on Training leave tml, I still need my beauty sleep.

Oh, one more thing. I finally cut my hair last, last week when I went out with yh. It's short, and it can't be tied, and I'm really loving my hair...Well, I have to love it, coz I spent $177 on it. Yup, so I'm loving it. =)

Life is...

2007-09-20T21:44:00.000+08:00

Never thought I would blog anymore, bu well, since I'm here, I'll just try and say something then...

Ok, Work : It suxs. I'm like in the ward for coming to 2 months only, and I already wrapped 2 bodies. I dunno if I should consider it Good-For learning purposes? Or Bad- Coz my pt die. The 2nd death...Wasn't like the 1st one. Her vitals started falling ard 3plus. Called the doctor so many times, he finally came at 4plus coming to 5 -_-. Dr said latest till tml morning. Hooked her up to the defib monitor to monitor the rhythm. She was no longer breathing ard 6plus, but the heart was still beating at a rate of 28-24 bpm.

Relatives started coming one by one. I thought I could like check in once awhile to see if she's flat. But NO...Another SN said we need the actual time. So guess who had to stand behind the curtain, beside the defib monitor...ME?!? People were crying so terribly, I felt so extra. Plainly looking at the monitor made me feel so rude. But when I look at the relatives, I felt like crying. Coz everyone was crying, I was controlling. Thinking of every possible happy thoughts I could think about to stop myself from crying.

She had CA. Standing there, looking at her, reminded me of my grandmother. Standing inside there, I thought I'll never smile again, and I thought to myself, "why on earth did I choose this." Seriously, I've been thinking about this question for so long. And the answer is, I haven't figured it out yet. Inside there, waiting.. I realize that the worse part for the family is not when the person die, it's when the person is dying. The part where she's no longer breathing but the heart is still beating. True, the moment the line goes flat, they'll cry louder, coz it has become a truth, a fact. But after that, the crying will stop, and a buzz of activity will start. Coffin, photo for the deceased etc, and it will go all the way till creamation, where the crying will start again.

I feel so tired... real tired... I just want a break. The temptation to trade my SN uniform in for a EN uniform is so strong. I just want to fall into a deep sleep and never wake up... For now, life is so meaningless, so boring, so sickening. Can I just fall into a deep sleep and never wake up? Anyway, I doubt there will be any huge consequences for that action, I won't be missed anyway.

Congrats sarah =)

2007-08-05T20:03:00.000+08:00

First of all, I would like to congrats sarah on finally finding her happily ever after. Sorry it's a late congrats but well, better late than never ;p
Next up, will be charmaine...so jiayou charmaine =)

I know what sarah will say when she reads this. She will say "Amanda, your happily ever after will come soon too, Don't worry." Haha. Well, let me state this fact once and for all. I don't believe in Happily ever after because someone like me will never and I emphasize NEVER, have a Happily ever after. It's just beyond logic and reasoning. So I'll look forward to hearing Charmaine's good news soon.

Sarah has finally grown up and will be talking with her lips soon. Haha. Congrats again on your happily ever after =)

Updates

2007-07-19T00:05:00.001+08:00

OK, I'm bored so I decided to blog.

Anyway, it's Wednesday now...Opps, wrong. It's Thursday already. Gosh...I'm so not in the mood for work. Everytime I open up my cupboard, I'll see 3 suits of green uniform hanging there and frankly speaking, I feel stress man. I've got no idea where I'm going, what kind of people I'll be meeting. But the thing that worries me the most is whether I can perform up to standard =x

New Uniform, New Shoes, New Crumpler on monday...

Someone just kill me please!!!!

Went for Sakae buffet with Yung Hwui today. Frankly speaking, she's the only one who keeps in contact with me and vice versa...Oh well, that's what life is about. Goodbye old life, Hi new life.

Was looking through those pics that was taken on graduation day. Time really flies~

I had the most WONDERFUL dream last Saturday night. Oh my gosh, that dream was so...*sighs*...I'm in love again. That feeling...OMG...it's even sending a shiver down my spine and putting a smile on my lips...*sighs* Lips...Ok, got to stop thinking about it, I'm starting to smile to myself.

What? You want to know the dream? Haha, for me to know and definately not for you to find out.Wrong. For me and Yung Hwui to know, definately not for you to find out.

Watched Harry Potter on Sunday...Think I'd rather read the book. Btw, the last book is coming out soon. I'm so going to get it.

Ok, that's all for now.

~In Love~

2007-07-18T23:52:00.000+08:00

*Sighs*...I'm so in love with my Crumpler bag...*Sighs*

~lalala~

2007-07-04T23:39:00.000+08:00

Ok, let's continue from where I left off...

Oh yes, the checkup... Well, I'll have to go back there again, as to why, well, let's just say it's for me to know, and NOT for u to find out. It's good to have char there with me...would have been more frightening if she wasn't there.

Went and collected my shoes 1st. Apparently it's hush puppies brand. Not too bad if I do say so myself =) Was also given a digital thermometer and a goggle??? Don't ask me what's it's for. I dunno why they gave that to me.

Went to do my uniform after the shoes. I took 2 pant suits and 1 dress, same like yh. I prefer pants. The auntie took my pants for some alterations, which I only collected today...but not too bad. That auntie said needed 2 weeks. And apparently only 1 week past.

All my friends started work already =( well, wish them all the best.

I finally got my psp audition =)

And transformers is a MUST watch. That movie is so cool. I'm so going to get the cd when it comes out.

Dusty~

2007-06-26T23:00:00.000+08:00

Well, well, long time no blog. I can even see the layer of dust on my blog...opps =x

So...What's new...

Ok, I'm about to graduate. So is that a good thing? Well, still trying to figure that out...Haha.
Went for interview with SGH. That sister was pretty much the person doing the talking. I just listen and nod my head. And before she let me go, she said "Ok amanda, I'll take you." Wonder what that meant. But well, it actually means, she takes me. Didn't know what to feel. The first thing I felt was stress and lost.

I have never been to SGH, much less step into their wards. SGH is so big, it's like a maze...Gosh, I'm really done for this time.

So, about a few days before my signing of the letter with SGH, TTSH suddenly called. I was like 0_0...I thought they gave up on me. I submitted 2 application forms to them and it took them 2 months to get to me?? If only they called earlier, maybe I would have gone to TTSH instead. But a few days before my signing to SGH?!!??!!It's ridiculous. Well, in the end I chose SGH.

Went for my signing in SGH on monday. Took a taxi there coz I know if I were to take the train, I will be late. And so...I arrived at SGH 20 mins earlier...-_- But well, who knew where that PGMI was. So I just got the uncle to drop me off at Eye center, and I planned to find my way around. Seriously, SGH is still huge...even after going there for 2 times to do my nursing cert and to accompany ppl to do their cert, I still find that place huge. Maybe coz it's just plain huge. I give up. I was like a rat in a maze. So, I just let myself get lost. I know I will find my way. And true enough, there it was...right there on my left... No challenge at all. Apparently SGH isn't big enough to keep me lost for 20 mins...

HR talked, and talked. And the signing began. I'm now SGH-owned. And tml...I'm going to get pricked =( sobs. I hate check up. Just hopes everything goes smoothly *fingers crossed*

Oh yes, I'm getting my uniform tml too...As for my ward, well, I got to wait till the 23rd of july. They sure do like to surprise us...haiz.

God bless me...I'm getting PRICK tml...sobs

Err...dunno

2007-04-08T23:32:00.000+08:00

Ok, I don't know what to type here. I know I got plenty of things to say, and plenty of feelings to be exposed. But sometimes in life, we get so overwhelmed, that we don't know where to start. When I finally know how to start, I'll let u know.

Until then, Bye

No title

2007-04-05T23:29:00.000+08:00

2nd week of prcp over. Got a scolding from sister today just because I didn't take case yesterday. Tried explaining to her it was the staff nurse fault cause she wouldn't allow me to take case with her reason being 'I'm too busy'. And I already told her at the start of the shift. End up, I didn't even get to give medication cause the staff nurse say I will only slow her down and she is too busy. And so end up, got a scolding from sister...

At least today managed to take case. Only 4 case, cause I got 2 beds empty. But at least better than nothing. But still cannot give medication, cause another staff nurse was being assessed, so I can't give.

Next week is the 3rd week, and I just know that sister will be busy scolding me, judging by the fact that I have 3 days morning next week...I am so going to get it.

This is to those fellows: Since everyone is so busy, some busy with work and the other busy with their other friends, when you guys are finally free, let me know hor. I just hope when u guys are finally free, we still got time to go. And hopefully, that time I still got mood to go.

Lost, but don't worry, I will be found soon

2007-04-01T00:06:00.000+08:00

What a week...

My real work only started on Wednesday. Monday was orientation in the Main TTSh building, and on Tues, it was orientation in AMK Rehab. A brand new setting, a brand new environment, a brand new working culture, everything is just so new. I kept thinking to myself, "Why was I posted to Rehab this time? Why can't I just be in the main block. Not that I really like it there, but in a way, I have gotten used to the environment, the way of working over there."

Just feel so lost... I still have to think where is the linen etc. Always heading off to the wrong direction when I need to take things. A whole new set of therapies that I have never seen in the main block...Who ever told u that rehab is easy and slow-paced? True, I admit that it is a much slower paced compared to the main block, and the environment there is just so...peaceful. The colours and space that we have in the ward just make me feel less stress as compared to the main block where everthing is so cramped up. But if u look in another way, I have 6 Nursing officers in the ward...Can u believe it...6?!!!! 6 pairs of eyes looking at you. If u add in the SSN who is placed in charge of us, it's 7 pairs of eyes watching your every move.

We were told to start off this week doing AN job. Was off to a jerky start on Wed. I expected it anyway. NGT feeding was abit hesitant, placement of diaper was off and plus that new environment, I was thinking "God, just kill me..."

Thurs was better. But on friday, that's where the whole action was. SSN wanted to see me do NGT feeding. And before I even started feeding, I spilled the meds that I was supposed to feed the pt. How clumsy could I be?? But I was really nervous, but she didn't really scold me. Think she knew I was nervous. But I know that I Know how to do it and I know that I can do it. Just needed to get used to her presence. So things went quite smoothly after that. ( She tested me again after my break, and I pulled it off. Was kinda happy, but I knew that I could do it, was just nervous)

And just when I thought things couldn't get worse...WRONG. Sister Phua had to come...She came all the way from Main block down to Rehab to see us, and she HAD to step in to watch me. Needless to say, I was asked a thousand and one question while feeding. Not only do I have to listen to her question and think of an answer, I have to make sure I was feeding the correct amount. Ok, fine, after that I thought I would be left alone. WRONG. She just needed a case presentation. My 3rd day there...when 1 whole cubicle of my patients have just been relocated somewhere else and I had new patients just the day before.

And all the stress she gave, OMG man, just felt like crying and quit right there on the spot. In a way she was teaching us about some things we needed to pick up as a Rehab nurse, it's the perfect place for perfectionists like charmaine. Everything just had to be perfect. All the stress she gave, made me question. Mainly questioning myself and my ability to perform. I wonder if I should be a 3rd year, I wonder if I can make it through, I wonder if I should even have joined nursing in the first place.

In a way, it wasn't entirely Sister Phua fault. Ever since after the incident, a part of me have always been questioning my ability to perform...a part of me have always held back, reluctant to go to work etc. It wasn't directly my fault, but I had a part in it, and I paid a high cost. I always thought it didn't affect me, but I realised on friday that it affected me more than I have ever imagine. I was in a daze, had very low morale. But deep down, I just know. It's unlike me to give up without a fight. I need to know how much I can do. I want to see what I'm capable of doing. I need to know how well I can perform. And I know that with God's grace, I will soar in whatever I do. But I also learnt in nursing...'With great power, comes great responsibilities'. I'm not trying to be spiderman here, but it's true. You never know how much power a nurse holds...everything we do to the patient can affect the outcome. Sometimes, even causing death.

I know I said that if I fail this PRCP, I will quit on the spot. But I will not give up without even trying to salvage the situation. To fail without doing anything is one thing. To try and fail is another thing. It's better to have tried and fail then never trying at all. Afterall, I am still a nurse now, and me, being me, I just need to know my limit, my strengths and my weakness...I just need to know before I fall.

"When the going gets tough, the tough gets going" And that is what I'm going to do. And of course most importantly, let everything be according to God's will.

24/3 11.18pm

2007-03-24T23:00:00.000+08:00

Went out to celebrate Yh b'day yesterday. All of us won't be seeing each other for the next 6 weeks. Wonder how PRCP will be...hmm....

In a way, I saw something yesterday which made me kinda unhappy while we were celebrating her b'day. I couldn't get it out of my mind, and the more I think about it, the more unhappy I am about it. It's a really stupid thing, but it made me understand my position...Where is it that I stand and whether my opinion/s matter or not etc. And that people, is a very valuable learning experience to me.

"I saw, and I understand. Trust me, I'll know what to do. I understand my position and where I stand. I know which is the important one, and believe me, I'll keep all unhappiness to myself and spare you the agony."

To a certain extent, I'm kinda glad prcp is here. A new environment, new faces, it may just be a new start for me. Away from troubles etc.

I hope I can perform my best during prcp. And finally find the purpose of why is it that I am in nursing. Haha

Ok, you guys take care. Bb

Just Forget It

2007-03-22T22:59:00.000+08:00

Life is just so confusing... I never ever seem to know what is it that I want. Sometimes, I just hate myself. The way I hide everything, and the way I show everything. Why is it that I just can't seem to hold on to what I tell myself?
Why can't I be firm, cool and cold?
Why is it that so much seems to be bottled up inside but it just never wants to be let out?
Can a person cry due to too much confusion??
Why is it that when I want to cry, I just can't cry...I'm even deprived from crying now.

I'm so tired...Not becasue I didn't get enough sleep, but it's physically, mentally, emotionally tired. Won't it be lovely to fall into a deep sleep and never wake up. I hate the feeling of being stuck in-between...I hate the feeling of being confuse...I hate not being able to cry... I just hate myself lah...Haiz

I'm just glad everything is coming to an end...I really do. Tomorrow is a new day, so for those of you who even made an effort to read, no worries, I'll be fine. Even if I'm not fine, I'll be fine too.

12/3 8.26pm

2007-03-12T20:16:00.000+08:00

Hi, just came back home. Was in sarah's place today. Well, no studying done as usual...lol

Past few days a few things happened. In a way, I kinda expected it would have. Well, at least all those roller coaster of emotions are gone.

If you happen to read this, this is what I want to say to you:

Don't blame yourself too much on what happened. True, you started it when everything was going on fine, but in a way, treat it as a learning experience. You didn't make me very upset, neither did you broke my heart terribly. True, it still hurt though nothing happened between us, but I'm sure I'll carry on with my life. I really hope you will bear in mind that thing I said to you. Things like this can only happen once. In fact, now I feel as though nothing had happen at all, and I'm no longer that upset anymore. As for that broken heart, don't worry it was like only 10% broken, and it's healed now. True, you did owe me an apology, but I think you apologize enough, so stop saying sorry. In a way, you showed me that love isn't all that beautiful and lovely, and it is also through this thing that I realized the importance of my family and friends. You are a good guy and a great friend. So, it's time to let go of the past and let bygones be bygones.
~Amanda

I really thank you guys for being by my side during this time. And sarah, you were right in 1 thing :Guys are Whatever, Friends are Forever =)

As for things like relationships/love etc...I have enough for now.
In things like this, I know it will happen ~In His Time~

Updates

2007-03-07T22:41:00.001+08:00

Hi there, Finished one test today at ard 7.10pm. I'm just glad it's over

Today before the test had to go for 2 talks. One on hospice, the other was an exit briefing.

The 1st one brought back some memories...It was sad. The memories just came, and it really made me feel like crying. But as usual, I'm good at controlling. It was sad...maybe I still haven't let go like I thought I did but the past is the past. Sometimes I wish I can just be well...cold and heartless...to take things as they are and throw it down without looking back. I know of someone who can do that, but lol, I can't. A friend told me, that it isn't a good thing, and I should be proud I'm not like that. So even though it isn't a good thing...It can definately save me alot of heartaches. LOL, coz I will be heartless.

Recently somethings happen. It took me alot of courage. But by god's grace, everything turned out well. I was well...very happy with one thing that was said =p
Regardless whether it's true or not, it really did made my day...But deep inside, I do hope it's true....All things will be reveal in time...

Take care =)

Is this the end???

2007-02-18T22:36:00.000+08:00

Haiz...this has got to be the worse CNY in my life... And I think it will continue to be this way for the rest of my life. I don't really want to go in detail here, but I know that my mum is very upset... but who won't be. You can't bring back the dead, you can't undo the things that has been done. For once in my life, I'm at home at 8pm on the lst day of chinese new year... And this is not a good thing, neither do I feel good.

Instead of mahjong and steamboat, I'm playing audition. But guess what, I'm too distracted to play. My mind keeps wandering off. My eyes and fingers co-ordination are way off today, and I feel like crying...I really do. I know CNY will be different this year but I had no idea it would be this bad...

I just want to cry...but I won't cry now...not till I'm going to bed. At least after crying, I can go to sleep. Anyway, I will be fine. I'm used to crying myself to sleep anyway...this one will be no different.

I hope that the rest of you are having a great new year. Don't let me bring down your mood. It's a great festival. I used to look forward to it. Have a great new year =)

Gong xi fa cai

2007-02-18T00:05:00.000+08:00

It's officially the 1st day of the lunar calender now. So happy lunar new year to all =)

Came back from my reunion dinner at my 4th uncle house at ard 10.30 like that. It was boring...haha. Nothing much to do there, just eat, then hang ard till it's time for everyone to go home.

Played a few rounds of audition but now, I'm really starting to fall asleep. Must be due to all the red wine at the dinner. I'm not suppose to sleep so early so I'll try my best to keep my eyes open.

Helped out for some last min spring cleaning today and made a few lanterns using the ang poa today.

Ok, I am falling asleep. I desperately need to stay awake. O.O -> o.o -> -.- -> zzz...

"To love you more"

2007-02-12T22:04:00.000+08:00

Hi there. Sarah helped me change the blogskin on sat. Isn't it just bea-u-tiful? haha. I luv it. Thanks sarah =) Your the best-est *muacks*

So...what's new, oh yes, see that video over there <--- It's celine dion "To love you more" My favourite song. I just fell in love with that song ever since I heard it in the radio. Though the DJ didn't say it was celine dion, I just knew it was her. Who else can sing like she does. I'm like so head-over-heels in LOVE with that song. One fine day, I'm going to buy that cd with that song inside, so I can hear it over and over again. The last time I went k-box, I sang that song too. Not because I was trying to 'kill' my voice, but because, I just had to. Genny was saying that charmaine should play the violin and I should sing that song on her wedding day...LOL. Anyway, just listen to it, and btw, that violinist is great too =)

So now, I'm on attachment in IMH, just hope all will be well. Working afternoon shift tml, wonder how the morning will be like...*hmm...*

Alrighty, I'll leave now. You guys have fun =)

Hihi

2007-02-10T00:00:00.000+08:00

Yawnz...I am so tired. My arms are aching, my back is aching, even breathing is too difficult for me. I just feel like sitting down and not move for all eternity...LOL. Even typing is so difficult, feels like I just fought a battle. Tomorrow, I will be moaning and groaning liao...die...

Monday going IMH for attachment...wonder what how it will be like. I'm really glad it's really near my house =) Haiz, still not done shopping for chinese new year...I'm so dead.

I also realised that V.day is next wed. Wish all couples a happy V.day.

I'm so tired now, and too lazy to type, I'm gonna conserve some energy. Bye all and nitey =)

Change for better or worse?

2007-01-26T23:45:00.000+08:00

It's been a VERY long time since I last blog. I know and I'm sorry but I'm not a regular, I just do it when the mood is right, the feel is right and I am absolutely bursting from all the emotions I feel, then, I will blog.

1st thing first, school started again. 3rd year, last semester. It's going to be a fast and short one. Soon, we will all be leaving school. During this 3 years, I have had many friends. I watched as some of my friends take a turn for the better, and some, for the worse. I've seen drama and fakes, and I've seen truth and genuine true friendship. The choices that some of my friends are doing now, the way they are hanging out...I just don't seem to know them anymore. Our friendship is hanging on a very very thin thread now, and I know it will be gone really soon. Who will do the snip-snap on the thread? I got a feeling I will be the one. And I know that many will blame me too...but I'm not one that maintains communication, in fact I sucks at communication. But looking at the way they are behaving, maybe it will be better off. I have also seen good friendship. I'm glad I finally found one true friend whom I can really turn and relay on for most things, and I strive to do the same for her too.

This past few days, I have been very upset. All the negative emotions just seem to whelm up in there. Change is inevitable in life, though humans dislike it. I always tried my best to be there for her, I always thought of her as one of my best friends, and I thought she thought of me that way too. But only recently, I found out what a fool I have been. I was well, kinda disappointed with her. I don't want to go into details about it. I just...feel hurt. I wonder is it the tougher a person seem on the outside, the more vulnerable that person is inside? Let's just say I really learn it now. This isn't the 1st time.

Another part of the negative feelings was from the things my that 'best' friend said to me. After I thought about it, I got jealousy, anger, sadness, loneliness, and a sense of unfairness. I was thinking why is this world so unfair? Why is it always me alone? YH told me not to worry, that it will come one day. Jesus helped me too, he gave me his peace, so no troubled heart =) so I'm pretty much ok now. But sometimes when I think about it, I just feel so...haiz... I guess I just need to really really cry it all out. But the problem is, I can't cry. I feel like crying but I can't, it just won't come out...Maybe I just need someone to hurt me more...I'm sure it won't be a problem.

Anyway, of coz I've been through some happy things like for e.g: yesterday yh got a perfect bug, we went and abused the bug and I earned 100k+...muhahaha.

ok, that's all folks. If you don't understand or feel confused, don't be. Coz in life, Ignorance is a blessing =)

He loves you too =)

2006-11-26T01:45:00.000+08:00

I remember once, when I was in church with my friends, it was bible study. A pastor said something, which I have never noticed. He said, he was watching a show one day, and in the show 2 person were talking in a church. 1 person said to the other "Why is it that of all the religion, why does the christianity portray itself like this.?" 'This' meaning Jesus on the cross. I understood the meaning. What he meant was, in every religion, they try and show the stronger side of their gods, but why christianity choose to represent it other way? I'm not pointing fingers here, I'm not saying anything. I'm just blogging down something I heard, which caught my attention and triggered me to think.

Recently, I've been feeling down. Problems everywhere. Problems on future. Problems on coming attachment. Problem with someone's attitude. Problems, doubts, fears everywhere. Was surfing around the net, and I went to Jo's blog. And I watched something there. I just burst to tears. I don't have the face to watch the whole thing. My tears just came. And I realized, that I'm love once again.

Just when I thought that no one loves me and that I will never find love...Love found me and told me that he loves me...

I'm sorry if it sounds gibberish to you. But it's pretty much a personal thing. If u understand, good for you. If you don't...then too bad. And one more thing: He wants to let u know he loves u too =)

title~less

2006-11-25T01:46:00.000+08:00

Ok, it's about time I update...So, what's new?

Well, was awaken from my beauty sleep at 3.50am in the morning and was completely caught off surprise that I will be receiving my results today. Anyway, I failed 2...Sobs...So sad. =(
Apparently it seems oyster doesn't sleep at all. Messaging at 2.40am in the morning isn't cute. You are lucky I didn't wake up. Or else...I'll go to your house and grill you personally.

So, what else did I do? hmm...went to jihan house, was invited for lunch, a job well done there jihan. Next day went for Sarah's b'day party. Not in a mood to elaborate...Use your imagination to fill up the blanks and spaces.

Haiz... There's a knot within me that has never been "untied". I used to be so sure, but now... I feel like I'm wrong. I'm glad to see that my friend's lives are going smoothly, that their relationship with god is great, and that they are not killing one another...haha. But I wish that I can say the same for my life. I'm confused, even more confuse and still confuse. But I know, I won't be alone...For I am my father's child.

The future may seem bleak, my path may seem long, my life may seem dark, but he will never leave me. His ray of light will be my inspiration, his touch will be my energy, and his words will be my life. His ray of light is so comforting...Will I get to see it again? Even for a mere 5 seconds, his ray of light is breath-taking. To feel it for 5 secs, it's enough to last me a whole-lifetime. His presence is always around me, though I don't speak much about it, I feel it.

I got so used to saying "By God's Grace..." that I decided on a name for my future daughter. Grace. Cause it's by God's Grace that she's my daughter, so Grace will be her name. But that can only happen if I get married, and that happens only when I fall in love, and that is highly impossible for I know where I stand...But it's ok to dream right?

Alright, it's time to go to bed. Nitey~ =)

Alright, Alright, I know you guys don't believe it. Alright, I passed all. 1 A, 2 B+, 3B and 1 C+.
Still ok lah hor? =) hehe

Young Young? Old Young? What the heck am I saying?

2006-09-17T01:00:00.000+08:00

My thigh is absolutely aching... Ouch.

Did my NAPFA test on thurs. My body didn't show any sign of aching on fri morning, and trust me, I has a great time laughing at the rest of my classmates coz they were all moaning and groaning. But...good things weren't meant to last, got the full blown effect in the afternoon -_-. And today, it's still aching.

So, how did I fare for my NAPFA?? Well, I failed...HAHA. I passed all 5 stations and failed at my 2.4km (as usual). My muscles around my ankle was so tight when I was doing my 2.4km. I tried plantar flexing my feet but I couldn't, I was practically limping the whole way through. The muscles were so tight, I was so afraid that my tibia and fibula will be snap by my muscles. And in the end, I couldn't even walk properly, much less run. Anyway, I didn't even complete my 6 rounds. I was already way past the time limit and they called me to stop, so I stopped. Maybe I strained myself too much during the 5 stations.

So results: Sit Up: 34 (surprised? My parents were so surprise...They didn't know someone my size could still do sit up...-_-''' Anyway after that, I thought I just gave birth...LOL, coz I was so tired)
Standing Board Jump: 170cm (A new personal record for me!!!)
Sit And Reach: 41cm (I think another new personal record again. Anyway, have always been terrible at this)
Inclined Pull Up: 11 ( Another new record. )
Shuttle Run: 12.4 (Phew...just made it. Just Barely Made it)
As for 2.4km, well, let's say since young I was never a long distance runner, I was always a 100m sprinter. Honest. Not saying in self-defense or anything, but ask my primary school friends, I was really picked to be a 100m/200m runner for inter-house challenge lor.

Ok, I'm tired now, need to rest my eyes, been playing audition all day until my fingers are stuck. God bless~

Before and After

2006-08-28T22:50:00.000+08:00

You know what I used to think...

(1) She did me wrong, she disappointed me first. She ought to "make up" for what she has done, and here she is, treating me like I am invisible, treating the whole thing like it was my fault, my mistake.
(2) God isn't interested in tiny affairs like this.
(3) How can anyone be so thick-skinned and just put everything saying God will do this, God will do that etc.

What I think now...

She don't need to make up for what she has done. Though it wasn't necessary for me to make the 1st step and say let's start all over again, I did. I showed my path, and if she wants to know where I'm headed, she knows. Secondly, God is interested. Thirdly, Coz, he is God. It isn't about "thick-ness" of skin, it's about believeing he is there for you.

Feelings now...

Still disappointed. But starting to let it go. Coz sometimes in life, disappointment will happen. I haven't been the best of friends to her. Now that we are like this, I blame no one too. But sometimes when flashbacks happen, the feelings come back. Working hard to get rid of it to turn it neutral.

We all know that it is impossible to be what we used to be but anyway, I am tired of having to type here everyday because of the same person. She took up enough of my time, killed enough of my brain cells, and hurt me enough.

Recently I stumbled upon a few very nice sentences. I fell in love with it instantly:

(1) Do your best and God will bless- Found it from chicken soup for the nurses soul. The story is like one of the miracles jesus performed. Remember he fed a thousand ppl with those few loafes of bread and fish, well the story is about that miracle. Apparently they are in that country to help ppl but their medical supplies got confiscated. Left them with very minimal supply. But they prayed and that minimal supply actually lasted the whole day when they thought it will only last a few hrs. How lovely is that right? There is 1 more miracle that was performed but if you want to know, buy the book and read. I am not spoiling the fun =p

(2) Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible- Don't you just love this sentence...well, I do. No story behind this, not that I know of. Coz I saw it on yue ning msn msg there and I know I just have to add it in. Maybe my relationship, which I deemed impossible to be like before, may actually have a chance to go back??? I don't know. Let's all just sit back and let my dearest daddy God work his wonders...

okay, the end, you can leave now. I need go play maple liao... (dunno character die liao mah =x)

Theories of life...

2006-08-21T23:33:00.000+08:00

Since the beginning of the year, my life has been revolving around hospital. What is it between me and hospital? I really wonder...

Hope my dearest Ah ma will get on well after her op. =)

Was chit-chatting with a few of my aunties and while chatting, I remembered about what I told yung hwui. Life is fair. People always said that life isn't fair, why is it that he got that and I don't have it. Well, have u ever thought about what you have that he don't? Sometimes in life, we got to lose some things to gain some things. Some times, you got to experience somethings to gain some knowledge. Was telling my aunt today, the lesson I learnt from the earlier funeral. I learnt how I used to take things for granted...How I never once really looked at my grandma until she was on her deathbed. How I saw the ugly faces of people who I thought I knew. How I lose a friend but gained one more that is so much better and how fragile life can be.

Sometimes in life, u just never know who are the people who treats you with honesty, who really mean what they said. This time round,my Ah ma is in hospital. I really saw who was really there. I know who is the one who really cares for me. Who message me daily though she don't have to. Was talking to my aunt about some problems that I have. And what she said was true. In life, you can have many friends. But when bad times come, the true ones that stick by your side are the ones you can count on for the rest of your life. Though I'm not really very sociable, I do have some friends. Friends who call me best friend etc. But honestly, I never once believed. They do sound nice, but where the **** are you when I need you? I've got friends, but whether they got me as a friend is a question. True, when time comes, I'll try my best and be there. But sorry, Priority. So far, I guess I can only say, I think I truly found one.

Sometimes, in life, you may have a boyfriend/girlfriend, but may have a bad family relationship. Life is fair, if life can't give you a good family relationship, they will "make" it up to you by another way. Laws of life (1) Life is fair. (2) What goes around, comes around. I won't exactly say Law of life, more like theory of life. But whatever it is, however terrible/good my life turns out, I know who I can count on for all eternity. Make a guess who...starts with a J----. Reward: A new friend for you too who is really there be it the good times and the bad times =p

I know it may seem frightening to you that a 18 year old speak so maturely. I know, coz if you heard my conversation with my aunties, you would be shocked...Well, she was. Guess she never know I had it =p

Life...

2006-08-15T23:19:00.000+08:00

I haven't posted for quite some time. But during this past some time, some things just happened which makes me take a step back and review about life again. During this past some time, I lost my grandma (maternal side). I remember that very faithful day, where I was in school with the usual gang. We were laughing, joking, fooling around at mac. When we were about to leave, I realised that my mum left me 20 missed calls. I was about to call back when my mum call again. She was practically screaming through the phone...My grandma was going to die. My grandma was diagnosed around jan- early feb that she had colon cancer. And it was at the last stage when we found out. I rushed all the way down but of course, she didn't go that day.

I remember coming home, my handphone flooded with messages from ppl like jian hao, yung hwui, charmaine etc, sending me condolences and encouragment. But the one most important friend didn't send me any. Thinking that she don't know, it was only right of me to call her. It was pretty late, I was really down, and back then, the only one I can think of who will understand my situation and lend a listening ear, was sarah. I will never forget the day, I called her 1st handphone more than 5 times, 2nd handphone 5 times. It was pretty late, and I thought she was asleep. I decided to try 1 last time. And it got through. However, she wasn't asleep. She was happily at her friends hse, drinking vodka till she was dead drunk. Apparently whatever I want to tell her, whatever emotions I have inside was replaced with disappointment. She couldn't hear from my voice I needed her desperately... that I needed to cry. She didn't. She was too busy telling me she was drunk, and in turn, I got to tell her to take care of herself etc.

When I hung up, I called another friend of mine. I called Yung hwui. I just cried out to her. But she was there. I told her how disappointed I was, how upset I was. I never expect anything back from sarah for how much I been there for her when she was at her most terrible period. Though at that time, there was nothing I could do, I kept reminding her I was there. But I thought that at least, now, it was my turn, maybe she can give me at least some encouragment. I was disappointed, I really was. Well, I did tell her in the end, but, I no longer expect anything from her. I don't blame her, she was dead drunk. But, I know I can no longer really count on her now.

I, Amanda Wong, seldom cry in front of people. I hardly need people to comfort me. Even after knowing that my grandma was going to die, I can control my tears till I was safe in my own space. But, in life, there will come a time, when u need someone to hear you. When u need someone to hear u just wail it out. Even through the phone.

My grandma is almost gone for 1 month now. I wasn't really close to her. But most of the times, when someone mention things like hospital, my mind will do this rewinding back to the very 1st day we found out till the whole thing was over. In less than 1/2 a year, I lost my grandma. So many "If" just keep running through my mind. If she went to the doctor earlier, will she still be here? If she had chemotherapy, will she still be here? So many "If"

And now, My other grandma...God, please bless her. She's the one I'm really close to. I don't think I can stand the sight of another person leaving me again. 2 in 1 year is too much. I want her to see me get married, and carry her great grandchild. please bless her. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.....

Stormy Day

2006-07-17T20:25:00.000+08:00

I guess...After a storm has passed, nothing can ever be the same again. It either change for the better or for the worst.

Had a really stormy day today, filled with dark clouds, typhoon, thunderstorm and blizzard. No, it wasn't really raining. Had sort of a quarrel with a friend today. Was something that I has bottled up for abt coming to 2 years, I guess I just couldn't stand it anymore. It seem like a lame point, and I know it was all my own thinking, my own fault etc. But maybe I'm just a selfish person. I don't know how to share.. Maybe I got too used with having my own things. Or maybe I'm just a very Ambitious person, maybe I just can't settle being in the middle, not being no.1. Or maybe I'm just in a plain bad mood looking for some trouble. Whatever the reason, My other friends said I ought to calm down first before advancing.

I felt that I didn't need to. Coz i felt that friends are like passing clouds. They stay awhile then they go. I told my other friend, that's how all my other friends have been, they come, stay, leave. I'm never one for communication and always voted last on popularity. But I blame no one. I dun blame heaven, or earth or my friends. I just think it's something I lack. Afraid of loneliness but never one to make the 1st move...I guess I'm like that. I never dare hope for too much in 1 person, coz u never know when they will make u disappointed. I tried before and I felt it. And guess what, I remember. And I guess from then on, I just live life as it is.

I know that after a storm, things will never be the same. They either change for the better or for the worse. Will it be better or worse, I dunno and neither am I interested in finding out. But whatever it is, good or bad, for better or worse, life must still...sadly...carry on.

P.S: Is this the time to lean into the arms of God? Guide me...

Can't Sleep!!!!

2006-07-03T01:05:00.000+08:00

It's 1:02AM now, my aircon is blasting away, It's all dark and quiet, the perfect time to sleep...But 1 problem, I CAN'T SLEEP...>_<

Maybe coz tml sch will start?!?? I dunno. I prefer sch to attachment, but well I still prefer holiday to school...I mean, Duh, who dun. Well, it has been a terribly long time since I last posted right?? Coz there was some problem with my blog and it was during attachment.

Life has been rotating ard maplestory and more maplestory. 2xEXP, 2x Drop rate. And finally, I hit the big 6-0. Finally...But it seems like when I finally hit the big 6-0, people are hitting lvls like 100, 120 or even 130. I am so utterly amazed and have nothing to say.

3rd year now...so scary, time just flies so fast. It seems like only yesterday that I just entered only. I have been thinking, if I could turn back time, would I have choosen another course? I think I would have, but the problem is, what? Maybe hospitality and tourism?? Maybe even Engineering?? I dunno. Nursing isn't like any other job. That's what I always believe. And trust me when I say, I am absolutely dreading PRCP. Please let it be 6 weeks. Oh God, give me strength.

Speaking abt 3rd Year, NAPFA is here...AAAAHHHHH. God just save me. I gotta buck up man.

Went out on Fri with sarah for dinner. Somewhere at upper serangoon road. A place call Grapevine. I LOVE their bacon roll. Leave u longing for more ;p . Their brownie isn't bad but I just can't finish the whole brownie. I always find it too chocolate-ty for my liking. No matter how hungry I am, just a few mouth of mouth-watering brownie is enough to turn me off. But sarah just loves it.

It's 1:13AM now. It's still dark and quiet and my air con is still blasting away. Maybe I just ought to bang my head against the way to knock me out...LOL. Goody nite.

~The Emperor has spoken~

OUCH!!!!

2006-02-23T16:14:00.000+08:00

Hi, it's me. Long time no see right? Miss me? lol

Went and run yesterday. Me, sarah, char and yh. I almost died, lol. I ran 2 1/2 rounds and walked 1/2 round. Then we went and play ard, changed and went for lunch. And now today....I get the full effect...WHOLE BODY ACHE. Save me...I need a wheelchair. Front to back, top to bottom. Well, afterall, I haven't exercise for abt 3 years already.

Well, another boring day today. Sarah FINALLY finished her project. I'm about to be frozen. The aircon here is really...blasting. I'm surprised that it's not snowing here. Anyway, I better be going. ME want to go home. BuBye =)

~The emperor has spoken~

Haiz...

2006-02-15T23:01:00.000+08:00

Haiz....Got nothing to say. Just want to put I logged in. That's all.

Lazy gal signing in...

2006-01-02T20:50:00.000+08:00

Hihi, long time no see.

Just went and cut my hair on sunday...it's really short now. Am discussing what elective to take with the usual few. Haiz...sch is here again. Actually, time really pass really fast. It seems like yesterday that I just went on holiday then attachment. LOL. But anyway, life still got to carry on. oh well, not really in the long speech mood now so chaoz.

The emperor has spoken~

Unfair...

2005-11-18T17:07:00.000+08:00

Forgive me if I seem angry coz I am.

I have been at lvl 41 the whole entire day of yesterday, up to now. Yesterday, as soon as yh log in, I have been partying with her. While she fights her slimes, I fight green mush for her to lvl. The only time in between to fight my own things is when she goes off and repot. Been trying to find the fastest way to lvl today. Fought stone golems and died in the end which decrease my EXP further. Went into the dungeon to fight cold eye and drakes. Their spawn is pathetic. And I'm only 6% away frm lvl 42 but I got to go and find 50 firewood for yh to do quest. This is easy. I finally went to her, and she suddenly disappear. She change chn. I change chn and she change location. I went to her location, and she went up higher....Grr... nothing to say.

Lucky people. Got people party them, bring them go fight, let them lvl fast. Reason: They new, ther are newbies. Like I started immediately at lvl 40 like that. Who took my hand and bring me go fight green mush when I'm lvl 11 so I can leech? No one. Who fought green mush while I only fight slimes so I can get EXP when I'm lvl 15? No one. Who help me go do quests? No one. Who teach me step by step where to buy things, where to hunt, where to go etc? No one. Did anyone help me play so I can go frm lvl 1 to lvl 8? No one. I did everything by myself, I learnt everything by myself. And I got to where I am today by myself.

Yeah, I "Pro". Then ppl lvl 60+ call what? Gods? It won't be surprising if they catch up with me one day. Maybe one day they have to let me leech. They must give me items. They must fight monsters which are so pathetic in EXP that every 3 they kill, they only get 0.01%. And the least those monsters can do, is to drop me something good. Something worthy. Nothing. Sometimes, I really wonder, why is it that even in a virtual world, in a computer world, are things also so unfair?

Whatever...

2005-10-24T20:50:00.000+08:00

I am so very disappointed. How many times have I helped her along the way. Now all I am asking is that she accompany me to school to study and she's reacting like I asked her to take drugs or commit suicide. Thousands of excuses...what "good" friends I have.

True, she's got her distinction to take and I've got my shit to take right?!? People got distinction and I've got a pile of rubblish. Nothing to say. Anyway, loneliness is something I've gotten used to although I don't like it. Maybe I'm destined to be alone all my life, and I don't give a damn. It's a good time now to say the "F" word but it's a good thing I don't or the whole entry will be filled with that word.

Anyway, Being forced has never made anyone happy. So, from now onwards, She'll go her way and I'll go my way. She'll pick her distinctions and A's, while I get my rubbish and shits. She'll go with her sweet dopey huge group of friends and I'll go with my own shadow. Complain to the rest, tell the rest, I don't care. Tell them I got attitude, tell them I'm acting like Joanna. Tell them I'm trying to waste your precious time and trying to rid you of your distinctions and A's. Be the poor little, tiny, innocent never guilty girl that you have always been and I'll be the big,baddie,meanie fellow I have always been. Tell them say I'm trying to force you to do something that you don't want for my own happiness. Whatever... I no longer care. Don't care if I die tomorrow or whatever. Whatever, I no longer give a damn.

2005-10-20T23:21:00.000+08:00

Hi, research methods results came out in the afternoon (finally!!!). I'm glad to say I didn not fail and got a C. My Empress got an A. Trust me, I'm not talking to her liao ;p

I just heard that one of my friend, Jian Hao, confessed to his mother that he is a christian. Naturally, his mother was very unhappy. Though he didn't say that he was sad, I know how he feels. The only difference is that I lack the courage to say. I know my mother. If she just chase me out of the house, that's consider light. For heavy penalty, link these words together.
Anger-> Knife-> Casket-> Heaven.

Sometimes, I just don't understand where the whole problem lies. Why can't they accept? Since young, I knew... I knew I didn't belong in the temple. My whole life, I've long to enter the church. My first time was when my (one and only christian) uncle got married. After that time, the only church I went to was the Nativity church near my sec school. Over time in poly, I sneaked into New Creation Church a couple of times, and that's all. I have never felt any "feeling/s" in the temple but the church is so different. How nice if I was born into a christian family. One who is born into a christian family will never understand. Never.

Maybe one day, I may gather the courage. Maybe one day, when I am finally independent, I will say. Then, I will not need to worry about anything. But deep inside, I have a wish... only God knows and I know. And that may be the real reason why I have not said...

Father, I have not forgotten the dream you blessed me with that night. When the time finally arrives, we will all kneel infront of you and tears of gratitude and happiness will be shed, our hearts soaring and filled with longing...for that day will come, in your time. Amen.

19/10

2005-10-19T14:03:00.000+08:00

Exams are coming but I just don't seem to be studying so much...what a naughty girl right?!

Anyway, BCLS theory test results came out, and I passed. Finished my BCLS practical yesterday and I passed too. Thank God. Hurt my little finger and my knees are like aching from all that "Re-sus". Research method presentation is over for me too, so, I am kinda free. Yeah :)

Did a debate last week, and it was kinda terrifying but then, got over it. Oh yes, got the best speaker award in my grp.

Better go now. See you laterz.

Another Day

2005-10-11T17:06:00.000+08:00

I just went and take a look at my bio practical and I got a C. 60-65%. Not too bad for someone who studied last minute actually maybe didn't even study much. Oh well, thank God I passed...so afraid I will fail... Sarah happy lor...Got B+ :p. Hope I can pass my few other papers...

~5/10/2005 - 6/10/2005~

2005-10-06T22:51:00.000+08:00

Left quite sudden the last time didn't I? Coz must rush for lecture. Well, glad to say everyone pass their second attempt for those who must retake. Went specially back to school for moral support for those retaking. Must have been out of my mind.

Anyway, I really can't stand someone now....to the extend where I don't even want to talk to her anymore. Not even a glance. It's a long story...really long. But no choice, she just refuses to join someone else. Haiz. Don't want to talk...later at night sleep also dream about her *yucks*

Yesterday, went to seoul garden with char, yung hwui, sarah, yi wei, wang qiong and jian hao. Never realized how "naughty" yiwei can be until yesterday. And poor jian hao, let us "bully" until...haiz...

Got a debate and research methods ICA next week, BCLS theory and practical next week monday... wonder when the holidays are coming...

Re~Lax

2005-10-03T17:52:00.000+08:00

Yoz, I finish my assessment for my clinical on Friday. Thank God I passed and thank God I got SC Insulin and IV INFUSION PUMP. Easy man. Was so worried that I would get assessment for lungs and thorax. Got to get going for lecture now. Bye~

Tired man...

2005-09-29T17:18:00.000+08:00

Yoz...Me.

Tired man. Tuesday, finished my Med-Surgical presentation. Yesterday, I sat for 2 tests. My Bio practical and clinical theory. Tomorrow, I got another 2 tests. Research methods and my clinical practical. It's driving me crazy. Haiz. All the test all cramp in one week, I think I'm going to faint liao. Tomorrow if I fail my clinical practical, I think I better die. Oh man, hate tests. Now, I don't know what's better. Hospital or school. In my opinion, I think holiday is the best.

Later still got Lab, and I haven't study my research and my Lungs and thorax assessment is gone case... God bless me...

One fine Sunday....

2005-08-08T16:53:00.000+08:00

One fine sunday, I went to suntec city with my family and we ate at Pearl River Palace. The food there was marvellous. But it was really expensive. Nevertheless, we had a good time. While on the way to Carrefour, we stop by Courts. And just there, I saw sarah. After a quick hi-bye, we left. After shopping around, my brother made a fuss and said that he wanted to go and watch "Charlie and the Chocolate factory". So we went up to the 3rd floor and just there, I asw charmaine and her mum. After another quick hi-bye, we parted. After enquiring on the seats, we decided to watch on tuesday.

We finally carried on with our shopping in Carrefour. Mum bought something from OTO. Then while hanging around the VCDs area, We met my aunty. After some chit-chatting, we parted. After shopping, we went to OG that is near sim-lim square, and shop there. After shopping, we left for my grandmother house.

In conclusion, that was what happened in my own one fine sunday.
(Dear teacher, pls give me high marks coz I try my beary best liao. thank you ;)

2005-07-29T22:59:00.000+08:00

A little report on my horoscope...

Capricorn, the tenth Sign of the Zodiac, is all about hard work. Those born under this Sign are more than happy to put in night after night of full-time studying, realizing that it will likely take a lot of those days to get straight A's. That's no problem, since Capricorns are both ambitious and determined: they will get there. Life is one big project for these folks, and they adapt to this by adopting a businesslike approach to most everything they do. Capricorns are practical as well, taking things one step at a time and being as realistic and pragmatic as possible. The Capricorn-born are extremely dedicated to their goals, almost to the point of stubbornness. Boy, those victories sure smell sweet, though, and that thought alone will keep Capricorns going.

It's the Goat which symbolizes Capricorns, and an apt mascot it is. Goats love to climb to the top of the mountain, where the air is clear and fresh. In much the same way, Capricorns want to get to the top of their chosen field so that they can reap the benefits of success; namely fame, prestige and money. Getting to the top isn't always a walk in the park, however, so it's likely that Goats will ruffle a few feathers along the way. These folks can indeed be domineering, even egotistical, on their route to the top. They'll tell you it's part of being a leader with bright new ideas (in keeping with the Cardinal Quality assigned to this Sign). Capricorns are industrious, efficient, organized and won't make a lot of waves. They are scrupulous with details and adopt a rather conventional posture in business and in life. These folks feel best playing it safe, since this is a fail-safe way to get to the top--eventually. Thankfully, Capricorns are patient, too, and are happy to wait for their ship to come in. The flip side to this staid behavior is that Goats can become quite unforgiving of those who aren't as diligent or ambitious as they are. Capricorns need to remember that they do need allies along the way, ambitious or otherwise. In any case, once Capricorns receive the recognition and social status they so fervently crave, it's likely that all will be forgiven.

Capricorn is ruled by the Planet Saturn. In ancient Roman mythology, Saturn was the father of many of the gods. Consider him top dog, if you will, and then you'll see a parallel to Capricorns. Those born under this Sign also want to be the top dog, and they're smart enough to know that the title won't simply be handed to them. Caps are happy to work for it, and luckily they possess enough discipline and sense of responsibility to get them there. Capricorns tend to be mature and are amply blessed with common sense, two more qualities which help their success-driven endeavors. With any kind of luck (make that considerable work), Caps will find themselves on that top step, but they should also remember those who have helped them on their quest. They are traditional (but not quite the button-down stiffs some would suggest) and somewhat inhibited, prompting others to wonder if they can ever enjoy success and its rarefied air. Rest assured, these folks will be smiling inside.

The Element associated with Capricorn is Earth. There's no surprise there! Caps aren't interested in wild ideas or round-the-world dreams. They would much rather stay put and get to work. Remember, these are the businesspeople of the Zodiac, so in their sensible and economical way, they'll get up every morning and see to it that their job is well done. While Caps can occasionally get a bit materialistic and greedy (hey, everyone needs a few perks), they are far too dignified and practical to get carried away. Plus, they love tradition and reserve and want to appear polite and friendly.

Capricorns at rest (yes, there is such a thing) enjoy leisurely sports such as golf and croquet--so long as they have a chance to win! Playing with a crew is also nice, since it brings to mind their beloved workplace. Team colors for a Capricorn are likely to be earthy brown and khaki, much like the relaxed slacks they like to wear. Sports-bound Caps also need to watch their teeth and knees, and they shouldn't be too daring, lest they break some bones. When it comes to love, Capricorns are ever devoted and never emotive.
The great strengths of the Capricorn-born are their willingness to work hard and their determination to succeed. Their ambition is boundless, yet they are cautious, responsible and always play fair. That's why their successes are all the more sweet.

Think you see that in me??Hmm...

My love colour quiz...

If love were Chinese food, your fortune cookie might say, "No need to look for happiness. It's right there next to you." Storge (which comes from the Greek word for family) love is characterized by familiarity and affection. According to John Allan Lee, yellow types would be happy to have a solid, supportive relationship and value this far more than physical or emotional intensity. Yellow types often find themselves falling in love with a best friend or a family friend without realizing it. Has love ever snuck up on you? Keep an eye out for Cupid, he's likely to get you when and where you least expect it. Yellow roses symbolize friendship, so who knows, if you look out the window, you might have a garden-full of them in you and your beloved's shared backyard.

Haha, think so??

I shouted....

2005-07-21T17:08:00.000+08:00

Yozzy, It's me me.

Here in E-plaza waiting for sarah to finish her thingy. Really dilly-dally.

Boring friday tml. Need to come to school early at 11am and then study until 8pm. No fair. I'm suppose to be out having fun instead of staying in school from 6-8pm with a teacher that hardly knows his work. Frankly speaking, base on the way he teach, I can take over his job too.

Project work keeping coming like crazy. 4 groups, 5 groups then now 8 groups. Crazy man. Wonder if the teacher have any work to do. I think, they think that we students have about 48hours each day. And they also think that we are the "worms in their stomach" and that we are suppose to know perfectly well what they want. Really hate it when people explain half and then leave the next half for you to guess. Maybe they should retake 1026 on effective communications.

It's 5:13pm now. Time to get going. Got to get sarah off her butt and start moving. See ya.

Short and to the point...

2005-07-12T22:05:00.000+08:00

No mood for long grandmother story so I'll make it short and sweet.

Went k-box today with char,sarah,yung hwui, noel and darren. Along the way there, I received a sms from christina saying she broke up with her boyfriend. Being not really close to her, I didn't ask much and just said "God bless". I truly hope God will direct a path for them. I think they have been together for 2 years and I just feel it's really bad if they do split. And I saw outside the church, a banner put "Love always comes with a 5-letter word" bet you don't know what that is...It's Jesus. A relationship without Jesus is hopeless. Anyway, I'll pray for them. That's all folks...

Oh yes, pray for my finger that got cut by that stupid Ampule...Hate that thing. My finger still hurts till now so, pray that I don't have to chop it off. Ok, that's all folks.

Yoz

2005-07-08T23:01:00.000+08:00

I feel like it's raining in my room. Cause that stupid air-con is leaking and I now have 2 pails under that leaking air-con instead of one.

Studied till 8pm today. First time. Maybe next semester studied till 9... Anyway, Darren is sick. Seem like he developed high fever after donating blood (maybe he donated more WBC than RBC) anyway, he went to the GP with noel and got a jab from the doctor. Then later, Poor, little, sick Darren got some allergic reactions to the jab the doctor gave. Swollen eyes and vomitting of blood...tsk tsk. And still come for lab lesson from 6-8pm, when I think he should have just admit to the hospital. Well, he went to the hospital after school, hope he gets well soon.

Had my first bible study with christina. Got 'homework' you know?! Must memorize John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believe in him shall not perish but have eternal life." Amen to that. But I sincerely hope that there will be no exam...

Changed my bloggy skin yesterday, all thanks to sarah. I was really happy to give Isabella her b'day present cause don't really like carrying it around but she returned me my psycho textbook, end up, must carry a even heavier thing around...

Alright, that's all from my boring day. Hope yours is much better than mine. God Bless!!

Miss me?

2005-07-06T23:19:00.000+08:00

Here I am, in the comfort of my own room, with the air-con blasting and LEAKING water like nobody's business...

Well, went for my first ever prayer meeting and was slightly late. It felt kinda odd at first cause I have never been to one but I do have to say it's fun. Jo, maybe can consider doing it everyday . Lots of praying and singing etc.

Went for movie "War of the worlds". It was great though I've seen it before.

Oh yeah, Jian Hao got a very special gift from God today. The gift of tongues. Congrats man. Now that you've got it, remember to praise God with this special gift of yours. It works wonder.
Frankly speaking, I have not been praying at all for the past few weeks until today. Cause of something my aunt said...I think about 3 months ago. In the past, I would pray every night before bed time, without fail. Then, I asked for tongues and I got it. I was really, really happy and proud. And I went and told my aunt, and she went to tell my one and only christian uncle. I saw her 2 weeks later and she told me that my aunty (My christian uncle's wife) can speak in tongues, but everytime she speak in tongues, she understands what she is speaking. And my uncle said that what I am speaking may not actually be the "real" tongues that is granted by God, and it may actually be a language from the devil.

I tried and explain to her that sometimes, certain people will understand what they say but mostly, tongues is a language spoken by the spirit and so on...I mean, I've only been to church twice. I know about all these through the cds I bought from new creation church. She wasn't trying to mean any harm when she told me what my uncle said but well, you just know when someone don't really believe what you said.

After that, I got a World War 3 going on inside my head. Sometimes,I decide that It is the REAL thing but sometimes no. I mean, people will query how I got tongues cause I prayed on my own and not in church etc. And the custom was that someone had to pray for you to get it. Well, up till today, I believe that I got it because I wanted it very,very, very badly. Don't ask me why. I just wanted it and I was prepared to go all out for it. Maybe people won't understand how badly I wanted it, but well, I know. Anyway, I let fear got the better of me. I stopped praying in tongues and soon, I completely stop praying. You may say "Stupid" but my mentality at that time was " I would rather not pray then to pray to the devil." But unlike the rest of the problems, I was constantly thinking about it. It was always on my mind, day and night, dawn till dusk, without fail...and the urges to go to church were so strong. Cause I needed guidance, I needed answers. And, I know I will find what I'm looking for there. "God is everywhere," you may say. But for 'kuku' christians like me, the first source was church.

Anyway, I'm going to go into my famous "Heck-care" attitude and keep on praying. Because I know, only God is worth praising and worshipping. And besides, fear is a sin, worry is a sin. I've got more than enough sins each day so, I'll just forget about fear and worry.

I'm Roasted...

2005-05-28T23:23:00.000+08:00

Hi there, Long time no post...

Well, have been really busy. ISP ended yesterday. 3 whole weeks just pass like that. Was posted to a surgical ward in TTSH again. Got to say that the staff in this ward is better than the previous. Haiz... Going back to the previous ward for 4 whole weeks...OH MY GOODYNESS!!! Well, I'll survive...I hope.

Went for a picnic with some of my classmate today in East Coast Park. Woke up at 7am. Was really feeling kinda angry cause I should be at home catching up on my beauty sleep that I lack so much. But it was fun. We rented a few bikes, play around and joked around stuff like that. Just a little bit of cycling for me and I got sun burnt. Only realized that at home. I'm like a piece of char siew now... but anyway, it's only on the face and my lower arm so, I guess I'm a partial char siew. Well, very tired liao so gotta go. Bye.

~Aching~

2005-04-26T23:30:00.001+08:00

It's me...had a very tiring day today.

Really shopping day. Went out with Char,Gen, Sarah, Christina and Hui Juan. We met at 12pm at Orchard MRT station (Suppose to meet at 11pm but then I was late. Sarah had to wait for me at compass point while I was so busily searching for a pair of shoes to match my outfit. Not sure how many times I left the house and went back again to change my shoes. So, in conclusion, we were 45mins late.)

Went to eat at Marche then went shopping at Heeren. Took lots of neoprints though I look ugly in them. Then Gen got picked up by a hairstylist in Toni & Guy and sat inside there for like 2 hours and we went and walked around in Heeren for 2 hours too. She looked really sexy after the haircut in my opinion but still the same, old Gen.

Then we walked to Far East and shop there. Then Char's mum asked her to go and get some music books and we rushed down from Far East cause the shop closes at 7.30pm. Then we slowly float back to Takashimaya and I went to buy my fishcake or else my mum will use me as the fishcake. Went to eat that fantastic fish & chips and we went looking for Sarah's cd shop. But that shop was gone and was replaced with a clothing shop. The clothes look pretty nice but mostly on the expensive side. We took a couple of pieces and tried on here and there and left the shop without buying ;p

Really tiring day and all I bought was a necklace, bracelet and 3 Archie Comics. Really is very little comparing to what sarah bought...lots of shirts and stuffs. But I'm just glad I bought Archie comics.

Miss Me??

2005-04-17T22:15:00.000+08:00

Hihi, Miss me? I know, I know you do...It has been awhile since I last blog but don't get too attached to me, I'm not those emotional type so...well, you get the idea ;)

Exams have just finish about 2 days ago. And just when I start to get the hang of my boring life in books, it's over. Still feeling alittle weird that I don't have to study and go to school. Even though it's weird, I'M LOVING IT!!!

Lots of shows, games, and more interesting life waiting for me *does the happy dance* Lots of events and activities for me to do *does the happy dance around my room* No more studying amd boring books *does the happy dance around the whole singapore*...

LaLaLa...It's getting late...LaLaLa...I gtg...LaLaLa...See u around...LaLaLa...That's all.

(P.S. I got a hair cut and no, I'm not crazy and Yes, I'm still alright...LaLaLa)

I LOVE YOU Lord

2005-04-01T15:18:00.000+08:00

I love you lord. I love you. I thank you for coming into my life and taking control of my everything. And I thank you for the gifts of tongues. Though it left me feeling shaky and pain my left shoulder. But it's still wonderful. Ok, don't feel like typing long here so All the best and God bless.

Question Asked and he answered. Amazing!!!

2005-03-29T23:05:00.000+08:00

Yoz...me here...

Was watching the Killer Wave program earlier. And my mum said that the local people noticed something. The temples and buddha statues are all still standing while houses around the temples are completely destroyed. Of course, she had a motive for telling me that but I heck care lah. What I didn't understand then was why didn't he destroyed those as well. Why leave them standing? Why don't he show the world who is supreme all at once?? Then suddenly that little "voice" in my head said something. It was a little confusing but I get the whole meaning now. He wants people to go to him not because they HAVE to but because they WANT to. If his children only have eyes for him, it wouldn't matter if he had left all the statues standing in the world cause we want him...And acknowledge him as the one and ONLY Almighty God and nothing else. I'm not sure if you agree with me but that's what the little "voice" in my head said. I know it sounds weird but I know I heard it.

Anyway, I'm just happy that I'm hearing the music from my blog again. At last it's working again. Well, God bless

Howdy!!!

2005-03-17T17:06:00.000+08:00

Yo Yo,

It's me again. I know, if's I don't update leh, sarah is going to K-I-L-L me. I'm too young to die so, update lor. Hmm, let me try and think of something to say. Frankly speaking, I am crazy today, no idea why I am so wild so all I can say is that I'm crazy. Bouncing here and there, being dragged out to the toilet by sarah cause I said the wrong thing earlier...lucky she never K-I-L-L me there. Sorry if you wonder why I keep saying sarah want to kill me cause a few nights ago, I had a dream. In that dream, sarah was chasing me with a knife in her hand, wanting to kill me. In the end, I had no choice, I took her knife and slice off her hand. So, maybe I am terrified of her after the dream...hehe. Okay, I'm going to stop here. See you soon :)

A mouth was given to you for 1 main purpose...A-S-K

2005-03-04T23:55:00.000+08:00

Hi, it's me.

Went to school for group meeting which lasted for less than 30mins. Well, what can I say, I go straight to the point. Well, Jannah was saying that after I become leader, we like very slack on our presentation. Frankly speaking, I really lack creativity cells. But anyway...I know where my strength lies and where my weakness lies. But one thing that really pissed me off was that Jian hao was going out with Joanna and Jihan. I think finally, I know what kind of 'friend' I am to him. One good thing about blogspot is that he doesn't know I got another blog so, I can feel free to vent my frustration here. Stupid excuses he give when sarah asked him "I thought she going out with you..." Hello?!? Do you know something that has an "A" ,a "S" ,and a "K"?!? Try figuring it out. How would u feel if your group of friends go out together and never ask you along?? At least they could have ask right?!? Well, not a single one asked. And to think all along I was blaming myself and asking myself why did we split up? And finally, I got my answer... They got back together...it wasn't my fault entirely then but it's not my fault now. And Hayati even had to ask me "You not going?". What was my answer? "No one told me" Then I excused myself and went to call sarah. Cause I know if I don't excuse myself, I will strangle somebody.

Lesson of the day : You got a problem with me, say it in my face. Even though my looks can kill you, I'll make sure you live to tell your problem about me before killing you with my looks and words.
(P.S. Thank Goodness for a secret blog ;)

Blessed is the lord...he has shower my life with so much blessings...I love him :)

2005-02-28T22:26:00.000+08:00

Hi, it's me again.

I was reading my friendster testimonial just now, and I really miss my secondary school friends. And I was really blessed by the Almighty to be able to meet them and to know them. Just reading the testimonial brings a smile onto my face. Now I really wonder how they know me that well...haha. And I wonder now if my poly classmates know me that well...haha. Anyway, I believe that every single person I meet and become friends with is not by my will but by God's will. The way one human can meet another human and become friends and maybe even more is something that I have always believe to be handled by a much higher power. And congrats stephanie and weishan for passing. God bless :)

My heart is bursting... I can't stand it anymore...I got to say it...I love God!!!

2005-02-20T22:07:00.000+08:00

I love God... Oh, my lord, my saviour...my dream come true. I had such a wonderful time today during service...my heart just can't stop bursting with joy and happiness after that. Praise to you Lord.

Only God know when I can go back to church again. Though it may be some time later, I really treasure the time I had. I just felt so special sitting there, singing out his praise and listening to Pastor Prince. Oh bless Pastor Prince, he is such a good pastor...Amen. Ohh...I'm crazy with God...I just keep thinking of him. I'm going to go crazy...Yes, I am. But I'm really Happy. I'm so happy I forgiven Jian Hao for pissing me off yesterday. My Lord, My saviour...Amen.

(P.S. I LOVE GOD!!!)

What a bumpy day...

2005-02-18T22:54:00.000+08:00

Hihi,
went to watch ' hide and seek' today with them. Come out, come out wherever you are...haha. Oh yes ladies, we got an appointment at 2:06 A.M. Don't forget ;) haha. Well, had fun then at AMK MRT station, I slipped and fell down while talking to yung hwui about the movie... I think it's best not to show my face around AMK station for awhile. And now, my bottom is still sore and painful...it really is a blessing to be able to sit down without it hurting. Anyway, got laughed at the whole day by them so... Well, that's all the exciting things that happened to me today. That's all folks. Oh yes "Come out, Come out wherever you are"

Filled with trust,love and faith for the lord...

2005-02-13T22:04:00.000+08:00

Hi, So, what's new?

Well, bought a book "Heaven is so real" which really changed my life. And I also bought a bible recently. It's sad that I can only read the bible late at night but it's ok with me. Of course, it's more of a mystery to me about most of the verse I read but I know these knowledge will come to me in time.

I had a dream a few days ago and in that dream I only remembered "Trust in God, have faith in God". The rest of the dream is a blur. But this sentence is enough to make me feel better. There are somethings I can't change e.g. the way my mum reacted when I said I was turning to christianity and how angry she was. But there are some things I can change and that is how I react to it. I could have argued with her and make things worse ( you know me, I'm known for just shooting my mouth off when I'm pissed) or just let her have her say and leave it to the Lord. Another thing that I can change is the way I used to stress myself and worry myself like crazy. Worry is a sin so, let's not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. So, after knowing that, troubles haven't been able to get me really down and stressed up :)

Tried to explain to my brother about christianity yesterday but well... I think he only believed me 15%. I pray that he can be saved before it's too late and God bless him.

I have one wish which I hope I will be able to do. And that is to go to church. And it would be best if I can go to church with my parents blessings. This is one wish that is near but yet so far.

Trust, love and have faith for the lord...till the end...

Still Alive and jumping.....I guess....

2005-01-10T14:12:00.000+08:00

Hi, it's me once again.

Nothing much to report except I haven't talked to someone for about 4 days now. And I think it's going to carry on....Not sure how long but well, as long as it will last. School's okay too. Nothing much to report. Classmates are also okay too, nothing to report too. Friends should be okay too so I guess nothing to report too. Trying not to think so much now cause sarah says I'm too sensitive and think too much so my brain will be off duty once each class is over and on-duty again once lessons start again so, not much thinking and this leads to not much feelings and it ends with nothing to write. Chain reaction. But not too bad for someone to babble rubbish and manage to write one long paragraph. So, I guess this means that I'm pretty good rubish speaker person. Whatever it is, nothing to say I guess....

So, See you

Hi there :)

2004-12-29T03:49:00.000+08:00

Hi there :) How you guys doing. First time here and I'm really tired so I'm going to make it short, sweet , simple and straight to the point. Thanks a lot sarah for beautifying the page. Owe you one. Talk to you later.